being rachel's mindy-mom is something i've always loved being. sure, its had its hard times, but the good times way way out weigh the bad. also, being a better mother to rachel than mom was to us was something that i always took a great amount of joy in (possibly an unhealthy amount). but, realizations came today that mayhaps all is not as it seems. studies have shown that daughters learn their parenting skills from their moms. i always liked to think that i had learned what mom's parenting skills, what worked and what didnt, and changed it, so that i could be a possibly better parent, knowing how to disipline my kids, but not be really overbearing, like mom was/is. knowing how to have fun, but get things done too (something that mom never really did. it was always get things done, and then get this done, and then oh look, its bedtime, with little time for much fun) i realized that, in all actuality, i hadnt done as i had hoped. i have, in more ways than i care to admit, become a lot like my mom. the thing that made me realize that, was today, when me and rachel were cleaning our room, mom came in, started yelling at the both of us (rachel for not cleaning fast enough, me for not making rachel clean better, and for supposedly not cleaning well enough either), rachel started to cry because she was frusturated, she was scared of mom (who can get to be real scary when she's that upset), and didnt know what to do. after i got mom out of the room, rachel came begging for a hug. i failed to give her one, promising one "later." "later" was always moms response if we asked her to come play with us, for a hug (we never got hugs (side note, but mom never ever said that she loved us either...something that i HAVE made sure to correct for rachel)), for just about anythign, the answer was "later." i hated that answer, and swore to never use it with my kids. but more and more recently, the answer is always "later" "i'll play with you later, rach" "not now rach, i'm busy" "rachel, i'm reading, not right now" always the same answer that i always got from my mom, something i never, ever want to use. it makes me feel bad that i refused to even give rachel a hug "later" since, as we all know "later" never comes. ever. i shall just have to make up for it now, and not wait till later. just no one else make my stupid mistakes, and, if/when you have kids, dont wait till the never comming "later" to make sure that your kids know you care.(heads out on a hunt for rachel, to make sure she gets her promised hug)
3 comments:
Here's the thing though, you're not her mother. Rachel has like 4 mothers, and you are only a part of that. Rachel would be more of a priority if she was yours and all yours. I know you well enough to know that if you were mother (not mother mindy or mother #4) you would have balance with your little girl. You would know there was a time for hugging and a time for disciplining and a time for cleaning. And you would know your daughter well enough to know when she absolutely needed a hug and when she absolutely needed to be put over your knee or in the corner or put to work.
But she's not your daughter. She's a fourth of your daughter. And to be doing as good as you are with her, you should just be happy. And for this being your first 4th of a child, you should be really please with yourself that you (unlike other people in Rachel's life) are at least smart enough to realize where your parenting faults are and how to resolve them. And maybe not all of them are faults. Rachel does need to know that you are not to be there all the time with her. When Rachel is at school, the teacher won't be able to pay 100% of her attention to Rachel either. Rachel is learning balance in her life. The important thing for you is to remember balance. That there is a time to entertain yourself. That there is a time to work. And that there is a time for joint, group, mutual fun. Unlike your mother - it's not all work. Unlike the girls that lived at Tuscany in Rexburg - it's not all about fun. Unlike the girls I seem to get stuck dating at BYUI - life is not always a group activity.
On a different note - I went and saw Bourne Ultimate tonight. Freaking Awesome.
sean, you've never seen me with children. i dont think that you would know how i would be with my own children. its a nice thought, but i dont think you've seen me dealing with children, so how would you know?
I've seen you with children - at the bishop's house, at Big Springs, at the 4th of July Festivities. I've seen you with plenty of children that aren't your own. I've seen you with dogs as well. It can't be much different with Rachel then it is when you are with animals or other people's children. You're a kind hearted person in any situation.
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