bitter sweet

So, I'm back at school, and expect everything to be fine, for the memeories I had created here before to just dissappear, or just be nice plesent reminders of the past. but they arent. i walk by something, and remember something like it was just yesterday. i listened to a talk once about emotions, and controlling them, and the guy said "memory has no age" and boy howdy, have i figured that one out these last two days. i walk around campus, and although everything has changed, it isnt necessarily for the better. i dont know how to get around campus any more, and there are buildings that have been built that i have to ask "what is that monstrosity is that? oh, its the MC, when did that happen. i thought they were finished two years ago with taht one." or "oh, wait, thats the size of the new auditorium? when did that happen?"
besides things i dont know being all around, i am barraged with a boat load of memories. some good memories that stayed good, some good memories that are now hurtful, and some dark memories that haunt the night hours. I spent a lonely day on Saturday moving in. i caught up with friends that night, but it was still hard. i wish my memory wasnt quite so attached to feeling things. i pass an apartment complex. "oh, so and so used to live there. now they are back home and working, and dating people, and i'll probably never see them again..." i pass the gardens "man, i wish it was summer right now. I would love to go back and see what they added to the gardens, and be able to study there now." pass another apartment complex, "man, why did she have to go do student teaching, she was supposed to be here." and the feelings that go with them all, they are still fresh, no matter how hard i try to make them not. it is wierd, because i want to be happy for the people, but it is hard. it makes comming up here bitter sweet. i was hoping for a nice smooth transition from the life of a missionary to the life of a student, but it isnt happening. maybe one day, it will. for now, i'll just live life in my mind, and try to remember the sweet parts of comming back, going to stadium singing and hearing songs, that were put there just for me tonight. friends that i havent seen in 3-4 years because of going on missions, the snow (i really missed it) some time to myself (although it still freaks me out when i do have it), and other such things.