Wanted: an "Its a Wonderful Life" Experience

(just a forewarning, i've never actually seen "its a wonderful life" that movie was banned at our house, so i actually have yet to see it.)

i have people asking me all the time "why are you still living at home? you should move out." answer is, yes, i probably should, for my own sake and for any sorts of future prospects. i'd be happier, and i'd be free to do what i liked, and when i wanted to do it. i could go out on four hour walks at eight at night, and no one would worry, cause that's who i am. i like to justify myself though. i cliam that i stay at home because its cheaper, and mostly for rachel. i want my rachel to have a better childhood than i remember having. in ways, i think i help her to have one. she knows and can recognize that she is loved, and is told it, at least once a day. she gets to do things that i dont remember ever being alowed to do. but at the same time, there are days that i think that no matter what i do, she's going to end up with the same type of childhood that i did, so why stay, why should i stick around? my becky lee has offered me a room in her house, so why dont i take it up? what i wish i could have, and not just for rachel, but for other reasons as well, i want an "its a wonderful life" experience. from what i understand, the guy is about to commit suicide, and an angel comes and shows him what life would be like without him in it. i want to be able to have that same type of experience. i want to be able to see "oh, this is one possiblity of what things would be like if i had never come to be" i want to see how rachel would be and how her childhood would be. i want to be able to see how other's lives or experiences would have been different. can i please have that? just once?