new years!

this post is going to have two purposes to it, and therefore, its going to be really long. maybe. i guess it will all depend on how chatty i deciede i want to be today. one purpose is to make some new years resolutions, and put them here so that maybe, if i've "told" them to someone else, i'll feel more obligated to actually complete them. to make those resolutions, i'm going to have to review the year, and see how it has been and what i need to change. so we'll actually complete purpopse two first, but i never said i did things in order.


so to sum up the year. if i had to do it in one word it would be...full. it was a very full year. full of lots and lots of different things. i think the easiest way to do this is to break it up into different areas in my life, and give a short summery of what has happened with it all. maybe?

first area would have to be school. school honestly didnt go so well this year. you wouldnt know it looking at the grades, but honestly, it didnt go well. i was too preoccupied with other things that came up. it came second to everything. honestly, i'm surprised that i didnt get sick at all during the school year. (knocks on wood) i guess i shouldnt complain though, because after it all, i only have to retake one class (i'll admit that i'm not happy about it, because since it for my minor, i have to have a C to pass, but those taking it for their major can get a D and still not have to retake it. hmph!)

next area i guess would have to be the mental/emotional health. things in this area got a lot better. its not completely better, and there's still a LOT that i need to fix, but it is much better than it was. i'm beginning to see some of life's challenges in a different light, thanks to the wonderful help of my councelors. i'm getting a better grip on my deperession, and learning some coping tactics for being here at home. its helped out quite a bit.

that area leads right to the spiritual area of my life. this area has changed a lot over the year. one big accomplishment was to make it through the book of mormon for the first time ever. i started out the year thinking, "oh nothing really is going to change over the year" but, wouldnt you know it, i end up the year getting ready for a mission? i think that i'm as surprised about it as anyone else. but, it will be a good change of pace for life for a bit. its something that i think has been needing to happen, to get me where i am eventually supposed to be spiritually. i'm excited for it all, and i guess we shall have to see just how it progresses.

now, that is the sum up of all the areas of my life (unless anyone else can think of anything that i might have left out? i'm open for suggestions), which takes us to my resolutions for the year.

1- for as long as i'm doing PAD, no more random food shots.
2- i'd like to make it through the book of mormon for a second time, but this time, not taking two weeks to do it. actually gettting into it and such.
3- excersise more. i need to be getting in shape if i'm really going to be doing lots and lots of walking on my mission. i was doign good at doing 1-4 hour walks. but not so much any more.
4- improve my cooking skills. this is more of a long term goal that i've had for lots of years, and it has indeed improved. but they could get better. i still cant cook worth beans
5- improve my interpersonal skills. despite what some of you may belive, i'm really a shy and quiet person, and i'm going to have to improve that. some of that will come on my mission, but i'll need to start working on it now.

there are many many others, but for now, i'll just commit to those. i dont want to overwhelm myself.

here's to everyone else having a good new year, and all that. cheers!

2- i'd like to make it through the book of mormon for the second time in my life, and this time taking it slower than two weeks, so that i can get into it.

the 12 days of christmas

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Fe11OlMiz8

this is the best way to have the twelve days of Christmas. at least, from what i've found

trust

trust is a funny thing. its something that takes a long time to gain, and it can be thrown away so much quicker. the trust of parents can be even more interesting. parents trust their kids to do, or to not do certian things. for example, mom will trust me to do the wash, sew dante' some PJs, and mow the lawn, but she doesnt trust me to drive her anywhere, run the tiller, or plan a decent primary lesson. what is it that makes someone trust, or not trust someone. most of it must come from past experience. based on a persons past experience will make it so that they know your behaviour and will either trust you, or not. mom knows that i can do the wash all by myself. i've been doing wash since i was old enough to walk (or so it seems) but she seems to base my abilitys to drive on my sisters' ability to drive (she absolutely refuses to let me drive her anywhere, even if i am the better driver in storms, and in the dark). but people have to have trust to get along, and to get things done. trust is esential in business deals. it has to be present so that each side will do what they say. trust has to be esential for leaders to get things done in their groups. but how do we get to trust someone? someone can ask you "why do you trust this person" but do you really have an answer, besides based on experience? "what made you first trust this person?" can anyone really honestly answer the question?

sldkfjasdl;fjasdl;fjsad;lfj

the day started out interesting enough. it started out with going to work, and starting to work the freight. nothing new, nothing exciting. then i get a page over the intercom, before the store is even open "melinda, please come to customer service." i get there, and my manager is wearing rubber gloves, a mask, and goggles. something just had to be up. why else would she be wearing those? so i find out. apparantly Champion Breed pet food, not just the dog food, not just the cat food, but all of their pet food (dry, not wet) is somehow contaminated. we had to get rid of EVERYTHING! lots of 50 lb. bags of food and all. and yes, i even had to wear the gloves, mask, and goggles. it was the least plesent thing i could have done that day, or so i thought. i get done helping with that, and still have about half my shift left, so i go to work more freight. then i notice, "i'm not jingling like i should" i look down...my keys are gone. i look in the stock room, i look over in Pantry, where we were working the pet food. i ask C and T if they have seen any keys lying around. "no, but i'll keep my eyes out" sad thing is, this is the most important keys i had. my car, mom's car, my house, and the shed. all ones that honestly, no one wants missing. finally, i give up, and go on break, just so i can look for my keys. not what i had planned for my break. i had been planning on hopefully taking a power nap. i've been way way tired recently, so it would have been a blessing. it was not to be. i eventually go and look IN my car to see if they somehow came of my D-ring i keep cliped to me. yep, sure enough, they were sitting on the seat. so, i call mom. she hasnt left for work yet, thankfully, so she can bring me the spare, right? apparantly i shouldnt have tried. she was home, but i got a good yelling at, (over the work phone nonetheless!) and she hung up on me when she finally found them. she had claimed that she would be late for work. but here's the thing. she had told me just the night before that she could go in to work late today. lucky for me i rememberd it. i'm just glad that i didnt actually have to meet her to pick up the keys, but i am sorry for the really nice customer service lady. she had to deal with mom. poor gal. so i get home, and help rachel pack for going to stay with her daddy et al. for the next five days (we get her christmas morning, sometime after 9:00. we have no clue what we are going to do with ourselves that morning.) things seem to go smoothly, till i double check that she has everything. rachel has been...best way to describe it is PMSing, but she isnt old enough for it. i just hope that whatever it is causing it will stop soon. its getting to me, and i'm having problems keeping my temper with her. she gets upset at me, and things start to go downhill. we eat lunch, rachel not really all that happy, then we get in the car to get to trax. happily, she falls asleep on the way there and is happy when she wakes up. we get on our way, rachel absolutely loved riding trax! it was great. get to the wells fargo building to go donate blood, and find out "oh, your iron is actually okay, but you have too fast of a pulse" stupid people. thats why you do blood pressure, and not just pulse. some poeple have horrible pulse, and will never be able to, but have really really good blood pressure. i wish it was the ARC doing it. then i could have actually done something worthwile today. instead, i wasted an afternoon, and six dollars, and felt even worse about things. just alsdfjdasl;fjadslfjasd;l.

misrepresentation

i was giving a lesson on the Birth of our Savour, Jesus Christ, yesterday, and one of the things i needed for my lesson was a nativity, so the kids could put it up while learning about all the people in it. well that shouldnt be a problem, we have only about a million nativites around our house. i should be able to find one that will work well. or so i thought. one thing about all the nativites that we had in our house is that none of them have more than one shepheard to them. but, isnt it supposed to be "shepheardS abiding in the fields, watching THEIR flocks by night."? not just one shepheard, watching HIS flock? so i thought, maybe its just the nativites that we have in our house. maybe there is one in the deseret book add that has more than one. sure enough, there was, but the vast majority of the nativites have just one shepheard. something is wrong with that. why are there always three wise men, when they didnt even show up till 13 days after the birth, and only one shepheard, when there were many of them in the fields that night? the poor shepheards! they are misrepresented in the nativites! the kids are all going to think there was only one shepheard, and that the wisemen came that night! what injustice! i think i'll rebel, and support the cause of the shepheards. if'n i ever get/make a nativty of my own, i'm going to have lots of shepheards (and sheep too, i guess) and no wisemen (they dont belong in the story). even if it isnt much, the shepheards should appreciate it.

magic?

Christmas seems to have lost its magic for me. i used to always get all sorts of excited about Christmas coming, waiting to see everyones surprise and joy. feeling the love of my Father in Heaven for sending His Son for us. but this year, its not there. i like to elude myself by thinking that it mostly has to do with the fact that i work retail. but honestly, i dont think thats it. retail might have a slight bit to do with it. it makes it so much more commercialized than it normally is. it makes it so that christmas is this big thing, and that it needs to go on for months. it makes it not nearly as special. the thing that i really think is making Christmas not what it was is that i'm getting to be an adult, and with it, more responsibilitys that, sure i want them. but not here in utah. not where i am with my family. and most espcially, i dont want it to be where i am mentally. i'm not nearly the same person i was even just five and a half months ago. i've changed, and, looking back on it, mostly not for the better. i want to be able to see things the way i did then, when things didnt look so down. i dont know what changed, but it made me...different. i need it to change if i want Christmas to be what it was when i was little. something that truely was special. something magical.

heads up

just to let you all know, i've started a different page for my photo a day's. you can go here to see them.

best thing ever

cookies

seven random facts

just for fun, and because i have nothing better to do today, i'm going to be inspired by sean's blog and write seven random facts about myself. can anyone tell i'm bored?

1- i have recently inspired my sister to do her own photo a day, the day after mine stopped temporarily.

2- the only TV that i'll watch is PBS, and that only when someone else has it on. i dont usually turn to TV for entertianment. thats what nature and books are for.

3- i dont believe in using correct grammer myself, but it really irks me when people dont spell things right, and especially when books use poor grammer or wording.

4- despite being a rec. major, i'm not at all really into most rec. things. about the most that i'm really into is hiking and backpacking. (i'm hoping that taking the snow skills classes will change that a bit, along with the land skills) besides that, i'm hydrophobic.

5-i've been writing in all caps for so many years that i have a hard time forming lowercase letters.

6- i'm dyslexic, but with numbers only.

7- i highly enjoy watching really morbid movies.

we're marked

our house must be marked. all day for the last three days (since we got about 7" of snow!) we've had non-stop birds at our bird feeder. we no longer have a huge tree in our backyard, so we were kinda surprised to see just as many, if not more, birds come this year than normal. the birds must have some sort of marking device, like they do for the hobos and the underground railroad, so they know that "see that house over there? it has food. go get it all"

Christmas time

the music has been playing for just about forever, and the stores have had out christmas stuff for months now, and finally, we have decorated the house. it must indeed be Christmas time.

uninspired

i get to spend the day doing wash. hurrah.

an attempt

sean has been wanting some pictures of prettry sunsets, and last night there was one that was really pretty. you cant really tell it from these pictures, but it was beautiful.

Walking in a winter wonderland

my utah house got its first snow storm of the year. it was very exciting.

Registration

i handt expected to be registering for any classes till about 2009. i guess that i was wrong. i registered for an online religion class. now, if only i didnt have to stay in salt lake, and then i could go back up to school...

Where i want to be

Wanted: an "Its a Wonderful Life" Experience

(just a forewarning, i've never actually seen "its a wonderful life" that movie was banned at our house, so i actually have yet to see it.)

i have people asking me all the time "why are you still living at home? you should move out." answer is, yes, i probably should, for my own sake and for any sorts of future prospects. i'd be happier, and i'd be free to do what i liked, and when i wanted to do it. i could go out on four hour walks at eight at night, and no one would worry, cause that's who i am. i like to justify myself though. i cliam that i stay at home because its cheaper, and mostly for rachel. i want my rachel to have a better childhood than i remember having. in ways, i think i help her to have one. she knows and can recognize that she is loved, and is told it, at least once a day. she gets to do things that i dont remember ever being alowed to do. but at the same time, there are days that i think that no matter what i do, she's going to end up with the same type of childhood that i did, so why stay, why should i stick around? my becky lee has offered me a room in her house, so why dont i take it up? what i wish i could have, and not just for rachel, but for other reasons as well, i want an "its a wonderful life" experience. from what i understand, the guy is about to commit suicide, and an angel comes and shows him what life would be like without him in it. i want to be able to have that same type of experience. i want to be able to see "oh, this is one possiblity of what things would be like if i had never come to be" i want to see how rachel would be and how her childhood would be. i want to be able to see how other's lives or experiences would have been different. can i please have that? just once?

day of reading

I was feeling depressed today, so i did nothing but read

Day with my not family

i spent all of saturday with my beckys' and my lisa. we also stopped my emily's house. we havent seen each other in about a year and a half.

temple trip!

Thanksgiving!

Dad won thanksgiving dinner from Smith's so we actually brought most of the dinner. it was way yummy though.

for more thanksgiving fun...

an escepade

we went on an escepade to JoAnn's for material for dante pj's. some other things found, and or very very common there too

Egg Beaters

Reading Material

Mountians

i went on a bike ride today, and took pictures of the utah mountians for one of the missionaries that i write to.

Roomates!

huzzah! my roomates came down to visit before they went down to provo. rachael spent a lot of the time reading a story to the rest of us. great thing about the picture, is that she doesnt know it was taken. she doesnt like to have her picture taken, so it was fun to sneak it in. :)

library day

saturdays are library days at our house. we take about an hour every saturday, and run to the lirary, looking for books, picking up holds, and other such library related things. we have a box full of books sitting in our living room that we go through each week.

an empty bed

we sent rachel off to california last night. it was odd to get up for work and see an empty bed this morning

work

i spent about six hours at work today rearranging womens socks and underwear. wasnt it great that i got to come home, and do all the wash, dealing with all the same things? i also am now a proud new owner of a letherman! haha! i'll never be without a knife at work, (stupid recieving always has them all) or even out in the woods! :)

second one today.

wow, this will be the second picture i post today! and isnt it a feast? this was lunch, eaten while waiting to pick up rachel from school. a shake and fries. so nutritious. at least i was reading something good for me, even if i wasnt eating it.

what i do while i talk on the phone

in case anyone asks, i've never been big on talking on the phone (about the only exception was when i had a boyfriend, and he would call on the weekends). what most people dont realize is that while i'm on the phone, i usually am also doing at least one other thing, besides talking to that person, sometimes two or three. here's what i was doing today when a friend called.

the chuffers!

warning: the following is a rant

so, i've said once that i really dont like rachel's newest set of step-family memebers. but even though i dont like them, i can usually see their point of view. but they were being bloody chuffers! rachel is leaving this week to go to california with them for thanksgiving. first off, i dont think that they should have her over thanksgiving, but that wasnt up to me. they had been going to come get her all bright and early on friday morning. we had agreed on that. about a month ago! so, last night, we called them to find out how many days she was going to be gone, andwhat all they were doing, so that we could pack the appropriate, and enough, cloths for her to wear. we were pretty much busy all day on thursday, and that was why they couldnt come get her on thursday. rachel had SEP's (equvelant of parent teacher conferences, but the student and the parents plan things instead of just saying what a good child they are), and school, and we have a thingy at the library (its a mother-daughter book club type thing-a-ma-bob) plus, i have work all morning, so there isnt any way to get started on her wash so that she _has_ enough cloths to go with until after 2. that was fine, they said, we'll just come pick her up on friday, bright and early. that was fine, everything was great, and life went on. till last night. they called us back (we had to leave a message) to get the details about the trip. "oh, and we're picking her up on thursday night." what! we agreed on friday, so pick her up on friday. we had to explaine to them three or four times that it would be physically impossible for us to be able to meet such a request. did they listen? absolutely not. they hung up, under the pretense of "discussing it amongst themselves" but, they didnt "discussing it amongst themselves" they called up rachel's daddy and complained to him about it. next thing we know, we get a call from rachel's daddy, and he's asking us "whats wrong with picking her up on thursday night" we have to explaine it to him three or four times too! eventually, mom and dad get too upset, and rachel has to talk to him for a bit while they go "discuss" (more like argue) about it. i end up having to get on the phone and try to explaine it to rachel's daddy. the stupid bloody chuffers! they didnt need to call rachel's daddy up! he's trying to recover from Post Traumatic Stress! this is the _last_ thing he needs. rachel's daddy tries to calmly explaine to me why they can no longer come and pick rachel up on friday. rachel's grandpa hawkes apparantly suffers from severe back pain, and is not able to be in the car for long ammounts of time. woah here! and they were planning to DRIVE to california?! sorry, thats long amounts of time. i've been told about a 14 hour drive. an extra 15 minutes wouldnt hurt him in the least. secondly, even if we went with that plea, there's still the fact that we cant do it! so, what if we were to drop her off at their house, bright and early? they wont do it. hmmmm..... why not? we never did get an answer for that one. they seem to be too bloody....askl;dfj;lasdf! chuffers! dad could drop her off there as early as 5:00. its on his way to work, and when you drive an hour for work, leaving a half-hour early, its not much of a deal. they would never tell us why they wouldnt do it. they didnt want to have a clean rachel with clean cloths. no, they have to go and be stupid bloody chuffers and come pick her up, without having a shower, and with filthy cloths, after the library thing on thursday. i honestly hope that she's as onery for them when she's really really tired (she wont be getting to bed at their house till about 10) as she is for us.

i'll end this by saying sorry i seem to rant so much. i'll try and stop.

School Projects

i spent the day helping rachel build a diorama for school. its about the weather cycle. it has all the different types of clouds (cirrus, cumulus, and nimbocumulus), snow, rain, and hale, evaporation, condensation, a snow capped mountian, a lake, and even snow runoff!




for reference, rachel decided she wanted to take a picture of her diorama so it was falling. :) she enjoys it, and made sure i put it on here so you all could see it.

Leaves

"mom! i'm home! and guess what!? you know that pile of leaves you left outside? i jumped in it! it was so fun!" she said, as she came running into the room.
"i'm glad you enjoyed it. do you want to go out and play in them more? i'll even come with?"
"yeah!"
i turned off my computer, and we went outside. it was a beautiful day. not to hot, not to cold. just warm enough that we could be comfortable with short sleeves, and no jacket or sweater. suddenly, my mind began to race. why was i doing this? she had homework, i needed to start dinner. more importantly, we were both getting over bad colds, and it was sure to get cold out here. why hadnt we worn jackets?
"common mom! lets go!" she said, practicly dragging me out of the house.
she started to rake up the leaves, and we jumped in them. she did it again. we fought with the leaves, having "confetti" wars. we chased each other, and tried to get leaves all over each other. we burried each other.
suddenly, nothing else mattered. it was just me and her. and the leaves. we played for hours. never tiring, not noticing that the sun was going down. all that mattered was us. me and her. we were actually doing something, and it wasnt me telling her that she needed to do this, or go do that, or eat your dinner, there wont be any food 'til breakfast. all that mattered was that we were having fun...together.
eventually, after many times of pretending to be a bear, hibernating in the leaves, and being leaf monsters jumping out to attack each other, and chasing each other around the yard for hours, the leaves were in the garden, and there was nothing else to do, but to go inside, and to remember. it was rare the days like this, and i hoped that she would remember this, above everything else.

stolen idea

first off, thanks to sean for his idea for this post. its a fun idea, and after thinking on it for a long while, i think i may be able to do this too. its a "photo scavenger hunt" and on this hunt, find five predetermined habits, and take a picture of it, or more like, representing it. and off we go.

Habit in Action

i have a whole bunch of projects that i'm working on, one of which is preparing for a mission, and developing missionary like habits, like reading the Scriptures, and Preach My Gospel and the like.

Good Habit

i've been trying to spend a bit each day playing piano. it helps with a few things, and to keep my mind on track.

Bad Habit

i spend way too much time on the computer, when i could be doing other things, like reading my Scriptures and Preach My Gospel, and actually starting on riding my bike.

Habit to aspire to

i'd like to become a bit more domestic like. making bread, sewing things and other such, so that if i ever get married, i'll be able to at least be able to be somewhat like what i see a mother and wife being

Habit forming

this one was hard to choose, cause i have a lot of habits in forming currently. i chose this one, cause its probably been in forming for the longest. i'm trying to go on a bike ride for a half hour every day. ever since leaving school and hour to four hour long walks, i've become a whole lot more lazy, and can feel it in my muscles. besides that, some cardio with all the strength training i get every day at work, it would be well worth it.

just for fun

just for fun, i finished the project started at the Relief Society Super Saturday that was last saturday, and took another picture that looked cool, but has absolutely nothing to do with anything

a day of accomplisment

i got so much done today! i was so proud of myself. i finished my shirt

i voted

and i cleaned the bathroom, after having the job for the last month or so

(before)

(after)

i even finally printed out my deferment, now that registration is next week. i feel so accomplished. :)