pumps your blood

a friend of mine is taking an anat/phys. class this semester, and her last test was on the veins and the heart. she shared this video with me, i found it amusing. :)

thinking

so, i was thinking about things, and then about rachel, and then about my mission, and i realized something. you know, my papers were put on hold, and then rachel left, and things started happening with them. they were no longer on hold. they went in to the stake president. at first, it struck me as odd, then i realized, you know, God makes things happen for certian reasons, so there has to be a reason behind the timing on all this. now, what that reason is, i dont know. if it was because i was supposed to be around for rachel's sake while she was here and going through it all, its a possiblity, but for some reason, i dont think so. she's been through stuff like it before, and has been just fine, with out me there. my next thought was that, i guess then, i was supposed to learn something from it. what, i dont know, and i dont know if i really want to think about that much more, 'cause the thoughts it led to were most unplesent. but, apparantly, i was supposed to be here and learn something from it, if only from the fact that i know just how much easier it would have been if i had been like, say, in idaho, or on my mission. so, i guess it was a learning experience, but i dont know what i learned. just thought i would share. :)


P.S honestly, i thinks i do too much thinking for my own good. :) just thought i would share that too. :)

life

its been a while since i've actually updated my life, so i thought that i would do so, since i have no time, and am trying to put off doing my taxes today. :)

-starting with the most recent, my mission papers have made it in to the stake president as of today. as to when i'll be able to meet with my stake president, that is still up in the air. he is out of town a lot, which is rather frusturating, but i always planned on waiting a lot longer to talk to him. he is the stake president after all. and hey, at least i still get to talk to him sooner than expected. things with my councelor apparantly progressed faster than thought, according to her, which was a wonderful thing to hear.

-i actually have stopped my counceling. i stoped it right after my old councelor left, and i had to get a new person. i'll admit it, this seems to be turning into a habit, and i need to stop doing so.

- i still work at sears, but i'm no longer the only one on my team! we got a new gal just the other day. so, although she is currently doing training all morning, i'll eventually have another person to work with, and the load wont be quite as heavy. it came at a convienet time, because they hadnt been all about giving me days off, and now that i'm doing a class, i'll be going out of town to take tests.

-as mentioned, i'm currntly taking a class through BYUI. its an online religion class (new testament to be exact), and is turing out to be a lot more work than i ever planned it to be. i have a couple hours of reading monday-friday, and sometimes on the weekends. i had figured a lot of reading, but not as much as it actually is. i do love the class though. its teaching me some perspectives that i never would have thought about. its wonderful to be learning again.

-i'm no longer teaching the really cute sunbeams. i'm now teaching the CTR 9-10 class. its an interesting experience to feel like you know nothing when your teaching them. the kids are way way smart, and it sometimes amazes me just how much those kids know.

-rachel has left, but oddly, i'm not doing too bad. i expected a whole onslaught of a bunch of crap that happens with my bad depression, but it hasnt come, and i've been able to stay really happy. i guess that means that he therapy i did for those three months really wasnt a waste of my time and money. i do miss having her around, and all the fun we had together, and the house is now really quiet. it does mean we can eat things she really didnt like though, like spinach things, and things with peaches in them, and rhubarb! i've missed being able to have rhubarb things. :)

-for the first time in 21 years, i now have my own room. its kinda interesting to be able to have things in my room how i want, and to sleep not 5 feet off the floor. becasue of it, i spent a few days and rearragned things all by myself (okay, technically dad did take the beds apart, but only because i didnt get to it the day before since i was sick), and i'm proud of how the room now looks. :)

-i've started, or, more like, tried to start a daily yoga and cardio routine, but it hasnt really happned. between my class and what mom needs me to do during the few hours that i'm home and she isnt, i've found myself lacking in time. its something that i need to try and do better at though. it would help if i would prioritize my time, and not play as much. :)

-happy day for me, i've planned some trips up to good ol' rexburg to get out of the house. admitidly, two of those trips have educational reasons behind them. i need to go and take my tests somewhere, but instead of deciding to just take them here in utah, i'm going to save a lot of trouble, not time, but trouble, and take two trips up to rexburg to take some tests. it will be nice to get out of the house for a few weekends. :) i'm also going up to see the opera they are doing. one of my old roomates, RL, is a music minor, and she told me she was going to auditoin for the opera. i'm going to go up and support her being in the opera, or if she didnt make the cuts, i'm going to go and watch it with her. i just wish i could stay a little longer that trip. its a trip up the night of the opera, and leaving early the next morning. :( it should still be fun though.

- last, but not least, i've kept up my photo a day blog. its been a wonderful thing to do in my life. its made me look for the good things in life, and its helped to keep my mind where it needs to be, and focusing on what it needs to focus on. i just wish that i could do it for a bit longer than will probably happen, since eventually i'll be leaving on my mission, and i doubt my mission president will allow me to keep posting. maybe i'll just invest instead in a whole buch of those disposable cameras and take them with me, with instructions to my sister to upload them for me if possible? we'll see when the time comes.

the fox

i pad over to the river and take a drink. its been a long day, and i'm now far from my pack. i stay alert, listening for the hunters i know are present. after i drink, i look back the way i came. my pack has forced me out, and so i must find another. winter is approaching, i can smell it in the air. the smell of fresh snow is strong. the geese overhead are flying south, and i long to go with them. with no pack, it will be a hard winter. i will have to look hard, for myself and my unborne pup. the pup. the reason i am forced out. the pup was not the alpha's therefore, it, and i with it, cannot stay. i travel onward, as far south as i can. i want to be able to stay as warm, and to find as much food as possible if i am to live this winter. the hunter's dogs follow me, silently. i smell them though, and make sure to stay as far downwind as i can. it eventually grows to be night. the dogs go home, and i am free to travel. and travel i do. i nearly fly over the ground, running as fast and as far as i can. i find an empty cave, and i stop and rest. i need to find food, but the dogs and hunters are back, so i must wait. and watch. the dogs come closer to where i am hiding, they seem to have caught my sent. i silently slip out of the cave and run like the silent winds. the dogs give chase. i run fast, but they are faster. they are fresh, and have had a decent meal recently. i am still tired from running all night, and have only eaten some grass, and that a few days ago. i am surrounded. they bark and the hunters come. i am caught. they place something around my mouth. surprisingly, they do not kill me, even though it is late fall, and the season for killing. instead, they cage me up, and take me with them. i am placed in some human contraption, in the dark. i can smell deer in with me as well, and the smell makes me go wild. i try to get at the deer, but the thing makes it so that i cannot get at it. i cannot bark. i will not be eating. we stay at the human camp for a few more days. each day, i hear the hunters go out, looking for something else. each day, i try and get get out of that thing so i may get at that deer, but each time, i fail. eventually, i give up, and try and conserve what energy i have for surviving in the cold and dark. the hunters must have eventually given up for we move after some days. i am taken out of the dark and into the bright sunlight. i am no longer in the forest, but surrounded by humans and noise and smells. two humans seem to be talking. they are gesturing towards me, and the deer a lot. the hunter leaves, and we are left with the other human. we are taken in another contraption, but not as far. we stop, and they lead the deer out while i remain, waiting, and still in the dark. a while later, we move again, this time for a lot longer time. eventually, we stop, and i am lead out. i am led into a building, where many humans live. it is warm in the house, and i smell delicious meat somewhere in the house. i try to yelp, but i still have the thing around my mouth, and cannot. i begine to have hope that maybe me and my pup will be able to survive. the man who brought me here leaves, and i am left with many humans looking at me. they talk, and eventually i am led back outside. the thing is taken off my mouth, and i try to run to the meat i smell. a man catches me, and i am forced back into the thing around my mouth and tied to a tree.

final verdict # 2

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3

so, we got a call from chris this morning. apparantly we wont get rachel AT ALL in two weeks. he wont tell us why. the way he said it at first made it sound like it was our fault, and that we werent doing something right, but he wont tell us what. so, in two weeks, rachel is going to apparantly be moving out. i guess we'll see what happens with it. we're currently (as in right this minute) trying to talk this out and see what his reasons are for it, but he wont say. not really. grar!

final verdict

Part 1
Part 2
so, we now have a final verdict on whats going on with rachel. soooo sorry. its been on my mind, and i need to tell someone. even if no one really reads this, the possiblity is there. so, we found out, finally, that chris has, as we suspected, sided with the hawks, and has it so that rachel will be spending every_single_weekend_ with the hawks. i dont know why we cant have just one weekend a month. their reasonin in why we couldnt have her every other weeked was even weak. they said "two weeks is too long. she'll forget us inbetween that time." sorry, i dont think so. i dont even want to know what sort of lame excuse they came up with for not even one weekend a month. it was supposed to start this weekend, even though we had told them, and they had been fine with it, that she had something this weekend, an they couldnt have her. i dont think i've ever been so close to abducting a child in my life. they are being absolutely unreasonable. oh, and something we just found out. the hawks apparantly dont think we are teaching her "life skills" because over chrismas, they asked her to go pack her suitcase to come home, and all she did was just sit there. now, rachel has this personality, and other kids do too, so i dont know why they had a problem with it, that if she doesnt want to do something, she'll just sit there, and not do it. its not like we let her gt away with it, we make her do it. apparantly, though, they think we're not teaching her life skills, and not teaching her how to pack a suitcase, just because she sat there and didnt pack it over christmas. what do they think we're doing with her? absolutely nothing? my personal oppinion is that she didnt do it because she was doped up on benedryl all the week she was visiting them over christmas. but, again, my oppinion doesnt count for anything. so, she's going to go there and learn the life skills (what life skills is she going to learn? whenever she goes with them, she's on benedryl the whole time, and all they do is go shopping. what's she to learn. how to be doped up and how to shop?)that we are apparantly failing to teach her. am i being unreasonable in really not wanting her to go?

update

so here's a quick update on the rachel thingy. i know, i know, its boring to hear about it all the time, but i need to get it out for my sake.
so chris finally called back last night to supposedly tell us what kind of decision he had come to on where rachel was going to live and where she was going to spend her weekends. apparantly the hawks (stupid chuffers) are very adamant about rachel comming to see them every single weekend. i'm all for them getting her every other weekend, but apparantly they think that "every other weekend is too long in between, and she'll forget us" yeah right! she doesnt even really want to go spend time with them. she's scared of them. she is willing to get to know them, but she wants to have chris there, as a support. (she wont tell chris any of this, but she will tell me, who then has to relate it to dad, who will relate it to chris.) so, we're trying to see if we can have rachel for just ONE weekend a MONTH. i'm not at all happy about this idea, when are we supposed to do anything fun with her? i guess we're not supposed to. we've finally gotten to a point that chris will listen to us about what rachel needs/wants. so, he's still thinking about it, and supposedly he will call us back tonight to let us know what he has figured out.
here's the thing about all this that bothers me. chris is currently on marrage number three, and having just come home from iraq with PTSD, he's very likely to do whatever he can to save this newest marrage. including, apparantly, forget about the needs of his child so that he can please his wife. the fact that he'll put his marrage before his children, that should come, but just to an extent. he shouldnt be forcing rachel into something she REALLY doesnt want to do. its stupid, and will just make rachel dislike her daddy all the more, which is something that chris really wouldnt like. and another thing that we found out that bothers me is the fact that krystal says that rachel has to call her "mummy" not "mommy", but close enough. ah ha, now i see and understand. they say that they dont want krystal to take the place of jen, rachel's real mommy, but forcing her to call krystal mummy? mmmm... there's a problem there. they may say that they dont want krystal to take her place, but really, i think they want rachel to have absolutely nothing to do with us, and with jen, and with everything else to do with her real mom's family. mayhaps i'm over reacting, i dont know. i just dont like the stupid chuffers, and this isnt helping to make me like them more.

rantings

so, we got a call from rachel's dad (chirs) sunday night. he told us that his wife's family (the hawks) want to start taking rachel every weekend, and if we ever wanted rachel on a weekend, we would have to call them and see if it was okay with them, wich doesnt make sense when we have her living at our house anyhow. we tried to talk the hawks down to every other week, because we want to be able to see her on the weekends too, instead of just during the week, when we cant go and do anything fun with her (she would go with them from friday afternoon after she gets home from school, to sunday night at bedtime. all she has time to do here is go to school, come home and do her homework, and then its bedtime. we dont want to be just the disiplanarians, and have them be the fun grandparents. we want to be able to have some fun with her and see hersometimes too). they wont bend, and take her just every other weekend, so their other idea is to take her permanantly, for everything, she would be moving out of our house. one problem we have with that is that chris will be comming here in about six months. she's insecure about life as it is (hence the thumb sucking, as mentioned earlier), why move her twice, when she could be moved just once, when chris came. chris's wife (krystal) wants rachel to be able to spend time with the hawks's, to get to know them better. thats not a bad idea, but she's told us that she is kinda scared of her grandpa hawks (according to rachel, he is kinda big, and in a wheelchair, and thats what scares her), and she would be more comfortable getting to know him if krysyal was here, but krystal is in DC with chris (he's in walter reed hospital). another thing is that they have dogs, and rachel is allergic to dogs. apparantly when she went to spend the week with them over christmas, she was on benadryl the whole time. sorry, that shouldnt have to happen. are they willing to give up their dogs to have rachel come live wit them? the answer to that was no, they are going to keep their dogs, and just keep rachel on benydryl. a stupid idea, because she cant remember what she did over christmas from being on benydryl. her school performance would go way way down. the last issue we had was that rachel has been living here for about four-five years. over that time she's grown to be like a daughter to not just me, but to mom and dad as well. they want to take rachel in about...oh...a week. now, we were just getting used to, and were fine with the idea of rachel leaving to live with her DAD in six months. thats time enough that we can still have her, and see her, and all that. the thing about the hawks is that if she leaves to live with them, we wont ever see her again. they dont like her living here with us, and try and take her all the time. i think i've mentioned that we werent sure if she would come back after both thanksgiving and christmas with them. we know for a fact that if she were to live with them, we would never ever see her again. and then she's just leaving in a week?! oh, and to top it all off, (this doesnt really have to do with this subject, but i need to get it out) when she went to spend time with them over thanksgiving and christmas, the time they wanted to come pick her up was inconvienint for our family. they were NOT AT ALL willing to see that we cant really do it then, can you come pick her up at a different date and time? both times, we had to rearrange our lives to make accomidations for THEM and yet they never do that for US. ajslfjasdlfjasdlfjasdl;fja;sd lfjk! chuffers! sorry. anyhow, to finish this up, and not make it horrendously long, we want her to live here, and they can wait to have her (we would make acceptions for some weekends, but not every weekend) for the six months till chris and krystal get home, when chris and krystal will be living out near the hawks', and they can see her every single day if they want, and we will never see her again, but cant they wait for the six months? cant they see that those six months should be ours? chris was supposed to call last night to tell us what was going on, but did he call? nooo, he did not call. so now we are stuck wondering what is going on with rachel and everything else. grar

just maybe

my roomate from california has been trying to convince me for a long time that i want to go at least visit california. i used to adamatly refuse to go to the state. but, upon further research, i might end up visiting the state, if i ever had a summer to go visit it. and, because i'm a fan of the national park service, i decided that is what i would mostly go visit. there have been a few places inspired by others that have actually made me want to go visit the state, inspite of myself. so, i've layed out a plan. kinda. more like, a list of places i want to go if i ever make it to california. it would have to all be done in one trip, which is why it would take a whole summer. but it would be a trip well worth the time and money it would take. i would be visiting some wonderful national treaures, and helping to preserve the area so that others can go and visit them. some of these will take just a day, or a half a day, but others of these will take many days, so that i can try and see as much of it as possible, go on hikes, and such. because the list is so long, and the ammount of time needed is so variable, i'll have to plan for one whole summer, or at least most of a summer. meaning it wont be able to be done until i'm all graduated, an have saved lots and lots so that i can make the trip, and pay any and all entrance fees/overnight fees. as well as providing food stuffs for myself. anyhow, all that being said, if i were to ever take a trip, here's the order of things, and what things i want to see while there.

Redwood Forest
Lava Beds
Lassen Volcanic National Park
John Muir National Historic Site
Black Diamond Mines Park
Round Valley
Yosemite National Park
Devils Postpile National Monument
Sequoia & Kings Canyon National Parks
Pinnacles National Monument
Death Valley National Park
Manzanar National Historic Site
Mojave National Preserve
Santa Monica Mountians National Recreation Area
Hidden Valley
Rachael's House
Joshua Tree National Park

new years!

this post is going to have two purposes to it, and therefore, its going to be really long. maybe. i guess it will all depend on how chatty i deciede i want to be today. one purpose is to make some new years resolutions, and put them here so that maybe, if i've "told" them to someone else, i'll feel more obligated to actually complete them. to make those resolutions, i'm going to have to review the year, and see how it has been and what i need to change. so we'll actually complete purpopse two first, but i never said i did things in order.


so to sum up the year. if i had to do it in one word it would be...full. it was a very full year. full of lots and lots of different things. i think the easiest way to do this is to break it up into different areas in my life, and give a short summery of what has happened with it all. maybe?

first area would have to be school. school honestly didnt go so well this year. you wouldnt know it looking at the grades, but honestly, it didnt go well. i was too preoccupied with other things that came up. it came second to everything. honestly, i'm surprised that i didnt get sick at all during the school year. (knocks on wood) i guess i shouldnt complain though, because after it all, i only have to retake one class (i'll admit that i'm not happy about it, because since it for my minor, i have to have a C to pass, but those taking it for their major can get a D and still not have to retake it. hmph!)

next area i guess would have to be the mental/emotional health. things in this area got a lot better. its not completely better, and there's still a LOT that i need to fix, but it is much better than it was. i'm beginning to see some of life's challenges in a different light, thanks to the wonderful help of my councelors. i'm getting a better grip on my deperession, and learning some coping tactics for being here at home. its helped out quite a bit.

that area leads right to the spiritual area of my life. this area has changed a lot over the year. one big accomplishment was to make it through the book of mormon for the first time ever. i started out the year thinking, "oh nothing really is going to change over the year" but, wouldnt you know it, i end up the year getting ready for a mission? i think that i'm as surprised about it as anyone else. but, it will be a good change of pace for life for a bit. its something that i think has been needing to happen, to get me where i am eventually supposed to be spiritually. i'm excited for it all, and i guess we shall have to see just how it progresses.

now, that is the sum up of all the areas of my life (unless anyone else can think of anything that i might have left out? i'm open for suggestions), which takes us to my resolutions for the year.

1- for as long as i'm doing PAD, no more random food shots.
2- i'd like to make it through the book of mormon for a second time, but this time, not taking two weeks to do it. actually gettting into it and such.
3- excersise more. i need to be getting in shape if i'm really going to be doing lots and lots of walking on my mission. i was doign good at doing 1-4 hour walks. but not so much any more.
4- improve my cooking skills. this is more of a long term goal that i've had for lots of years, and it has indeed improved. but they could get better. i still cant cook worth beans
5- improve my interpersonal skills. despite what some of you may belive, i'm really a shy and quiet person, and i'm going to have to improve that. some of that will come on my mission, but i'll need to start working on it now.

there are many many others, but for now, i'll just commit to those. i dont want to overwhelm myself.

here's to everyone else having a good new year, and all that. cheers!

2- i'd like to make it through the book of mormon for the second time in my life, and this time taking it slower than two weeks, so that i can get into it.

the 12 days of christmas

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Fe11OlMiz8

this is the best way to have the twelve days of Christmas. at least, from what i've found

trust

trust is a funny thing. its something that takes a long time to gain, and it can be thrown away so much quicker. the trust of parents can be even more interesting. parents trust their kids to do, or to not do certian things. for example, mom will trust me to do the wash, sew dante' some PJs, and mow the lawn, but she doesnt trust me to drive her anywhere, run the tiller, or plan a decent primary lesson. what is it that makes someone trust, or not trust someone. most of it must come from past experience. based on a persons past experience will make it so that they know your behaviour and will either trust you, or not. mom knows that i can do the wash all by myself. i've been doing wash since i was old enough to walk (or so it seems) but she seems to base my abilitys to drive on my sisters' ability to drive (she absolutely refuses to let me drive her anywhere, even if i am the better driver in storms, and in the dark). but people have to have trust to get along, and to get things done. trust is esential in business deals. it has to be present so that each side will do what they say. trust has to be esential for leaders to get things done in their groups. but how do we get to trust someone? someone can ask you "why do you trust this person" but do you really have an answer, besides based on experience? "what made you first trust this person?" can anyone really honestly answer the question?

sldkfjasdl;fjasdl;fjsad;lfj

the day started out interesting enough. it started out with going to work, and starting to work the freight. nothing new, nothing exciting. then i get a page over the intercom, before the store is even open "melinda, please come to customer service." i get there, and my manager is wearing rubber gloves, a mask, and goggles. something just had to be up. why else would she be wearing those? so i find out. apparantly Champion Breed pet food, not just the dog food, not just the cat food, but all of their pet food (dry, not wet) is somehow contaminated. we had to get rid of EVERYTHING! lots of 50 lb. bags of food and all. and yes, i even had to wear the gloves, mask, and goggles. it was the least plesent thing i could have done that day, or so i thought. i get done helping with that, and still have about half my shift left, so i go to work more freight. then i notice, "i'm not jingling like i should" i look down...my keys are gone. i look in the stock room, i look over in Pantry, where we were working the pet food. i ask C and T if they have seen any keys lying around. "no, but i'll keep my eyes out" sad thing is, this is the most important keys i had. my car, mom's car, my house, and the shed. all ones that honestly, no one wants missing. finally, i give up, and go on break, just so i can look for my keys. not what i had planned for my break. i had been planning on hopefully taking a power nap. i've been way way tired recently, so it would have been a blessing. it was not to be. i eventually go and look IN my car to see if they somehow came of my D-ring i keep cliped to me. yep, sure enough, they were sitting on the seat. so, i call mom. she hasnt left for work yet, thankfully, so she can bring me the spare, right? apparantly i shouldnt have tried. she was home, but i got a good yelling at, (over the work phone nonetheless!) and she hung up on me when she finally found them. she had claimed that she would be late for work. but here's the thing. she had told me just the night before that she could go in to work late today. lucky for me i rememberd it. i'm just glad that i didnt actually have to meet her to pick up the keys, but i am sorry for the really nice customer service lady. she had to deal with mom. poor gal. so i get home, and help rachel pack for going to stay with her daddy et al. for the next five days (we get her christmas morning, sometime after 9:00. we have no clue what we are going to do with ourselves that morning.) things seem to go smoothly, till i double check that she has everything. rachel has been...best way to describe it is PMSing, but she isnt old enough for it. i just hope that whatever it is causing it will stop soon. its getting to me, and i'm having problems keeping my temper with her. she gets upset at me, and things start to go downhill. we eat lunch, rachel not really all that happy, then we get in the car to get to trax. happily, she falls asleep on the way there and is happy when she wakes up. we get on our way, rachel absolutely loved riding trax! it was great. get to the wells fargo building to go donate blood, and find out "oh, your iron is actually okay, but you have too fast of a pulse" stupid people. thats why you do blood pressure, and not just pulse. some poeple have horrible pulse, and will never be able to, but have really really good blood pressure. i wish it was the ARC doing it. then i could have actually done something worthwile today. instead, i wasted an afternoon, and six dollars, and felt even worse about things. just alsdfjdasl;fjadslfjasd;l.

misrepresentation

i was giving a lesson on the Birth of our Savour, Jesus Christ, yesterday, and one of the things i needed for my lesson was a nativity, so the kids could put it up while learning about all the people in it. well that shouldnt be a problem, we have only about a million nativites around our house. i should be able to find one that will work well. or so i thought. one thing about all the nativites that we had in our house is that none of them have more than one shepheard to them. but, isnt it supposed to be "shepheardS abiding in the fields, watching THEIR flocks by night."? not just one shepheard, watching HIS flock? so i thought, maybe its just the nativites that we have in our house. maybe there is one in the deseret book add that has more than one. sure enough, there was, but the vast majority of the nativites have just one shepheard. something is wrong with that. why are there always three wise men, when they didnt even show up till 13 days after the birth, and only one shepheard, when there were many of them in the fields that night? the poor shepheards! they are misrepresented in the nativites! the kids are all going to think there was only one shepheard, and that the wisemen came that night! what injustice! i think i'll rebel, and support the cause of the shepheards. if'n i ever get/make a nativty of my own, i'm going to have lots of shepheards (and sheep too, i guess) and no wisemen (they dont belong in the story). even if it isnt much, the shepheards should appreciate it.

magic?

Christmas seems to have lost its magic for me. i used to always get all sorts of excited about Christmas coming, waiting to see everyones surprise and joy. feeling the love of my Father in Heaven for sending His Son for us. but this year, its not there. i like to elude myself by thinking that it mostly has to do with the fact that i work retail. but honestly, i dont think thats it. retail might have a slight bit to do with it. it makes it so much more commercialized than it normally is. it makes it so that christmas is this big thing, and that it needs to go on for months. it makes it not nearly as special. the thing that i really think is making Christmas not what it was is that i'm getting to be an adult, and with it, more responsibilitys that, sure i want them. but not here in utah. not where i am with my family. and most espcially, i dont want it to be where i am mentally. i'm not nearly the same person i was even just five and a half months ago. i've changed, and, looking back on it, mostly not for the better. i want to be able to see things the way i did then, when things didnt look so down. i dont know what changed, but it made me...different. i need it to change if i want Christmas to be what it was when i was little. something that truely was special. something magical.

heads up

just to let you all know, i've started a different page for my photo a day's. you can go here to see them.

best thing ever

cookies

seven random facts

just for fun, and because i have nothing better to do today, i'm going to be inspired by sean's blog and write seven random facts about myself. can anyone tell i'm bored?

1- i have recently inspired my sister to do her own photo a day, the day after mine stopped temporarily.

2- the only TV that i'll watch is PBS, and that only when someone else has it on. i dont usually turn to TV for entertianment. thats what nature and books are for.

3- i dont believe in using correct grammer myself, but it really irks me when people dont spell things right, and especially when books use poor grammer or wording.

4- despite being a rec. major, i'm not at all really into most rec. things. about the most that i'm really into is hiking and backpacking. (i'm hoping that taking the snow skills classes will change that a bit, along with the land skills) besides that, i'm hydrophobic.

5-i've been writing in all caps for so many years that i have a hard time forming lowercase letters.

6- i'm dyslexic, but with numbers only.

7- i highly enjoy watching really morbid movies.

we're marked

our house must be marked. all day for the last three days (since we got about 7" of snow!) we've had non-stop birds at our bird feeder. we no longer have a huge tree in our backyard, so we were kinda surprised to see just as many, if not more, birds come this year than normal. the birds must have some sort of marking device, like they do for the hobos and the underground railroad, so they know that "see that house over there? it has food. go get it all"