A house of order

I've recently started watching a little neighbour boy for about an hour and half every Thursday morning while both his parents are in class. Every time I go to their house, I'm struck by the feeling in their house. Just how easy it is to feel the spirit. And it's made me wonder why isn't it that easy at my house? What's the difference? And while I'm sure there are several things, the one thing that has recently struck me is just how orderly their house is. And how orderly their house always seems to be. J likes to sometimes stop by unannounced to play, and no matter when it is, their house is always very orderly. It's gotten me started thinking, and wondering if that is the difference between our houses.

Heavenly Father has told us that He dwells in a house of order (see Doctrine and Covenants 132:8). This tells me that If we want a place where the spirit of God can dwell, then we should probably have a house of order too. That's something that I have always struggled with. Especially now that I have a kid who likes to explore and pull everything out of drawers all the time. So, is there a way to fix this? Probably.  Do I currently know what that way is? No, I really don't.

We have been given hints about how to make our house more orderly. One talk in particular has come to mind as I've been pondering this idea of a house of order=house easy to feel spirit in.
It has several ideas of how to make the house more like a temple. One of my favorite things in this talk is taking a virtual tour of the home. It is something I need to do, and I think do frequently.

I feel like something else needs to be said on this, but I'm honestly not sure what else there is to say. So, I suppose I'll just awkwardly end this, and hope to do better, and to learn to be more organized. 

Making the Switch

going into pregnancy, I knew from the start that I wanted to breastfeed J.  I wanted that special bonding time, I wanted the food that was best for him and would provide all those essential anti-bodies and goodness that comes with breast milk, and I certainly didn't want to spend the tons of money it took to formula feed a child.  That was probably my biggest reason, not wanting to spend the money.

and for a while, breastfeeding worked (kind of).  It was hard for both J and me.  I was slow to produce milk, and because he was such a large baby to start out with, wasn't happy with the small amounts of colostrum, then in-between-milk that I made.  Combined with the fact that he had to spend his first few days in the NICU, and was formula fed there, J was always a bit frustrated at my attempts to nurse him (especially since mom is sooooo much slower to eat from than mom, and I want my food NOW!).  We kept persevering (with lots of tears, fighting to keep J awake, and frustration on all ends), and all seemed to be going great, and doing so much better....until he got all colic-y.

I knew that something had to be an underlying factor for this. There had to be a reason for the colic, it shouldn't just happen. so I started to do some research. We were recommended some infant gas drops, to see if it was just his body processing gas poorly, and it seemed to help some, but not much.  We eventually stumbled upon the idea of being sensitive to dairy, specifically the proteins in dairy.  This made so much sense to me. Even though he doesn't like to admit it, Drew has a dairy sensitivity, so why wouldn't J?  So we tried a dairy free week with me eating no major sources of dairy (milk, yogurt, ice cream, etc.) and some formula that was specifically for a dairy sensitivity.

It was amazing.  After a few days, J only cried for wanting to eat (NOW, not in 5 seconds!), wanting to be held and cuddled (I want to be held all the time!) being overly tired (there's way too much world to see, and I want to see it all now, not sleep!) and I'm fairly certain some if it was boredom too (I'm tired of looking at all the cool things in this house, and that rattle doesn't interest me. let's go on another walk, even though we went 10 minutes ago!) it was amazing.  My little boy was sometimes happy again, and didn't cry all day every day. It wasn't always a huge relief (and my main goal after every time he woke) for him to just fall back to sleep. I wanted to spend time cuddling and playing with him. I wanted to see his alert and ever curious little eyes.

I knew that I couldn't keep up with eating no dairy.  I absolutely love dairy, and it's one of my main snacks. Plus, at least half the dinners and other meals we eat have lots of dairy.  It would just be too much of a stress for me, something I certainly didn't need in my life while still adjusting to this new mom-hood thing. So we decided to try a week with me eating just one meal with dairy a day.  If I knew we were having a dairy dinner (say, mac and cheese, or lasagna) then I wouldn't have any the rest of the day, just at dinner.  If we weren't having dairy for dinner, I could have it somewhere else in the day.

After just two days, we knew it didn't work.  J was back to crying at every waking moment.  I was so disappointed. I still wanted to be able to nurse him, and still mainly not wanting to have to pay the exorbitant amounts of money to formula feed him. But I knew it was best for J.  Did I feel guilty and like a bad mom?  No. (actually, maybe a bit of guilt for not being stronger for him to give up the dairy, just for a few months while his insides adjusted) I knew it was best for both of us.  What I mainly felt (and still do) is a whole slew of disappointment and sadness.  As much of a fight and as frustrating as it was, I still loved nursing J, and knew I would miss it greatly.  Sure, I can still cuddle him, but it's different. And that's still hard. Especially times when HE goes to nurse, and I know I probably don't have anything there any more for him. It makes me wonder if he misses it too. As much as I had to fight to keep him awake which he didn't like, did he enjoy nursing too?

I know that in the long run, it won't make a difference. he'll still grow up to be healthy and happy. Formula has some great benefits that breast milk doesn't and that he'll be fine.

But man, it's hard to make that switch...

New Rules

Coming into the world of pregnancy has been a happy occasion, but man, does it come with some new strict eating rules.  I knew starting out that morning sickness would be bad.  I had a sister's experience (who I've taken after in all womanly ways) to prep me for that. But I still don't think I expected it to be this bad. Here's just a few of the new rules I've come to accept as being part of my life now.

1- You will throw up every morning, whether there is something in your stomach or not. Eating something before getting up will not help. Staying in bed for 15 minutes while waking up will not help. It's going to happen no matter what you do.

2- you must eat something ever two hours, or your stomach will start to hurt (a lot!) and you might throw up more if you don't eat.  This is just from hunger.

3- The time to go see the doctor about nausea and vomiting is before you can't keep anything down.  The time to go is before 5pm, when you can no longer keep jello down.

4-  There's some amazing(!) medication out there to help your stomach accept more food, and not get rid of everything you eat or drink. It's called Zofran.  You should take it every morning, so you can eat throughout the rest of the day, no matter how you might feel when you wake up. even if you throw up the liquid you take it with, the pill will stay down, and you'll be happier in the long run. Don't try to tough it out.

5- most of the time, you will be eating like someone who has the flu. As much as you want to eat something that is  more exciting than Bananas, Rice, Applesauce and Toast or a myriad of liquids (jello, broth, ginger ale  apple juice, Gatorade, and of course water. ), think hard before eating it. you could easily end up regretting that decision later. 

Month of thankfulness challenge

This month, I decided to participate in the Facebook November challenge of posting something I am thankful for each day.  I set myself some rules before starting too.  I couldn't use the (in my opinion) cop-out of "I'm thankful to be a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints"  I guess it isn't really a cop-out, but it felt like it, so I couldn't use it.  And I couldn't skip a day and then post two or three things the next time I posted.  I had to post something each day.  With those two self-inflicted rules, I set about the challenge.

It certainly wasn't always easy, but then, I expected that.  Sometimes I would post something sort of sarcastically, and then try and convince myself that it was true through the day.  And sometimes, it actually worked.  However, sometimes it didn't.

Overall, I'm glad I did it.  It made me really sit there and think about what I could be thankful for that day.  It made me see more about the little things in life.  Focus more on the good.  Which is what we should be doing more often, than just one month out of 12.

finding the blance

WARNING:  this is pure rambling about things, with no coherency to it.  sorry if this doesn't make any sense.
Married life is great.  Is it what I thought it would be?  honestly, I'm not sure.  I wans't sure what to expect in the fist place, so how can i know if it met those expectations.  there are great parts, there are parts that take some adjusting, but for the most part, its been good.  i enjoy it.
learning to accept that I have a husband who loves to do things, that can be hard sometimes.  finding the balance between being independant, and wanting to do everything for him, and letting him do things for me, its been the hardest thing to adjust to.  i love that he loves to cook, and wants to make dinner.  i need to learn to accept that, and not feel horrible when he does it while i don't notice, doing homework.  on the one hand, i'm glad he has the thought, and does it for me.  on the other, i almost feel like i'm neglecting my duties as a wife.  especially when he is in school, and i am to be supporting him in that endevor.  on the other hand, i've found ways to help him out also.  making sure to keep the dishes clean, and the house in somewhat orderly manner (which has been interesting, with fixing and building bikes, and other homework strewed across the living room).  learning to find a balance, and let him share in the work... its what needs to happen, and something i need to let happen.  

ramblings

WARNING: THIS POST IS RAMBLINGS STRAIGHT FROM MY MIND TO THIS POST

It's the beginning of the semester. Summer has come and it's beautiful outside. I don't know anyone. So, what do I do when its nice outside and I don't know anyone? I spend all day outside, away from my roommates. Today, my roommates got to experience my summer lifestyle first hand. I ate dinner, than went to do homework in the gardens (before it was dark and it was questionable to go there). As I was leaving, one of my roommates said "did she really just eat dinner then run off?"
Yes. Yes I bloody well did.
What's wrong with it?
I am also about to start hitting the roads of Rexburg at night again. Then my roommates will thinks I'm even more weird. I spend almost no time inside at home during the summer. I'll probably be spending more since now a lot of homework is due online, and a lot of reading is done online. But, I probably won't be home much. It is weird to think about. This whole new semester is weird. It almost feels like a missionary transfer, but instead of me going to a new area, I stayed in the area, and everyone else changed, and not just my companion (the sister I would serve with).
My roomates are great girls, so why do I avoid them? Why am I trying to see how much time I can spend away from time? And why do I do this more and more anymore? Why do I always in the summers dwell so much on the past, and have a hard time making new memories to replace them? I have been asking myself why a lot recently. Sadly, I also have no answers to go with all the whys

Change

I've written in the past about change, and how much change has gone on in the world, especially when I first got home from my mission. It was, as I put it then, bitter-sweet. It seems odd to me just how much life has changed, and this week, I am especially noticing just how much my family, my parents in particular, have changed.
The first changed I notice this week is just how much of a voice I no longer have in the family. I used to be able to be at least somewhat in charge of the kids, and they would listen, and do what I asked them too. I suppose too long out of the way makes it so that I am now just a playmate, and no longer Mindy Mommy. I'm still trying to decide how I feel about that.
Next chnage I really noticed is that although my parents still argue a lot, it doesn't seem to be as much as when I was here before. It isn't over every single little detail that they argue. They just argue over some of the details. It is quite refreshing, honestly. While frist growing up, I never noticed it. But then after moving away for a while for school, and then comming home to it, I noticed it more. And now, I'm so happy it is less than before. I wonder what changed it?
Anotehr change I noticed is mom and dad's policy on some stuff. There used to be certian rules in place while I was growing up. One of the rules was that there would be no TV on before breakfast, and certianly not until homework was done after school. However, I've noticed that now, the TV comes on about as soon as mom wakes up (to check the weather for the day, I guess. She used to just listen to the radio alarm she has go off every morning, but I guess it doesn't do the job?), and is again on right as soon as they come home from school (it turns off during the day, since I don't enjoy watching it. I'll use it to watch a movie or something, but not more than that.). It used to not come on until about 5, so that she could watch her million channels of news (which she still does watch all million channels of news), and then sometimes go off until 10 for the nightly news. Now it seems to just be on all the time.
Another policy that has changed is the food policy. Mom and Dad used to be huge on "if you don't like it, go hungry." There were nights when yes, I did go hungry, but it taught me to appreciate the food I did like more, and to at least try and eat those food I absolutely hated. Now, they prepare something different for the kids when they don't like what is being eaten. A great example of this is a dinner we will be having later in the week. Spinach Crepe's. Mom, Dad and I all seem to think they are really really good. The kids aren't as much a fan of them as we are. So what happens? Wait, they get a quesadilla? No going hungry for the night?
All around, my parents seem to have gotten more lax on some of their rules. I'm not sure what to think of it all. On one hand, I think it is good that they have gotten lax on some things. Letting the kids eat something differetn for example, is one I might be okay with. It was something I had been pondering instituting with my own kids, just having them help (or when they are old enough make on their own) with whatever alternate food they would be eating. Some of the other changes that have happened around here... I'm not sure yet. I guess I'll just have to stick around and see what happens.

Saying Good-Bye

A song to listen to while you read here

It's the end of semester. Yesterday was the last day of tests, and now all my roomates are leaving. I've had no sleep (maybe 30 minutes all told), I've been saying good-bye to people all night. One roomate left at 2, one at 5, and then one is leaving at 10ish, but her ride is comming about 8sih to start packing her up. We also have been cleaning our apartment, and making sure that we have all of our packing done. Its been quite the night. We went out and had some great times since it was our last night togetehr as roomates. We ate way too much food (spending way too much money in the process), but man, it was so good. And, more, it was so much fun. Good memories, made just tonight.
I've always had a hard time with good-byes. Especially since I'm never quite sure when I'll see them again. Some people I know that I will see soon, but some, who knows? One friend that I said good-bye to, right before my mission, I still haven't been able to see, and I'm not sure when I'll get to (He's supposed to come up over Memorial Day weekend, but I'll be in Utah). It makes me sad, because here I had such good friends, and such meaningful relationships with these people. But then they are gone. It always leavs me feeling... empty. Wanting more in life, but not having anything new to fill it.
Many people tell me this is the pesimistic way of viewing things, and yes, it probably is, but there isn't much that I can do about it. That is just the way I am. I do often reflect in the past. Probably more than is healthy for me, but it can bring back some good memories. I know that as I reflect back on this semester, it is filled with many good times. I'm going to miss everyone so much, and already do, and they just left. No more having someone singing 24/7, no more person wanting to go on a mission asking missionary questions all the time, no more feeling like I need to protect someone else. Its all gone. It is hard to realize just how attached you get to someone, until they are gone.
It also brings up many qustions, having to move on. Will my new roomates be just as good? Will I be able to be attached to them also, or will I have roomates like I had once, who I could care less if I saw them again? Who am I going to go talk to when my roomates are driving me crazy and I just have to get out of the house? Who am I going to go to the temple with? An even bigger question, Will I ever see these people again? So many questions, with many different possible outcomes.
(Sigh) Life is really hard sometimes. It is hard to be an adult, and having to be responsible. I so want to just give up my responsiblity, and be 10 again. Life was good at 10. But even at 10, I still had to say good-bye.
I suppose that God is giving me a lesson in trust, again and still. Again, it is back to "Consider the Lilies." Learn to trust in God that he will provide, that whatever happens, really it is for the best. I have had a hard time with that for a long time. Why do certian things have to be how they are, and why do I have to learn that lesson right now? I have many conversations with God about life, and why now, and what His timing is for certian things. And just certian experiences in general. I feel them often to be one-sided converstions, and don't often feel an answer come back my way, but, that goes back to the lesson of "trust in God, He knows what is best."
This semester went way too fast for my liking. It is already April, and I got home about 4 months ago, and started to become "normal." When I first started this semester, I had some ideas of how it was going to go. And now the semester is done. It was an amazing semester, and everyone that made it amazing is going home. I'm not sure how this week home is going to go, because I'm going to come back here, and try and make things one way, but have them be another. This could be interesting

raincoat

So I've been looking at my missionary stuff, and things I need to bring, and one thing it mentions is a rancoat. I guess it rains a lot in Tennessee, I wouldn't know. Now, I have one slight problem. I've lived in a desert all my life, and it hardly rains in the spring or the fall. I've never used, let alone gone out and bought, a raincoat. I don't know what to look for, I don't know what might be a piece of junk, what might be good. Totally oblivious to the fact there were such things as raincoats, until I was told I would need to have one. All that I've ever used is a winter coat to keep out the cold Utah and Idaho air, and a fleece jacket, used for when it gets chilly in the spring and fall. Is there anyone out there who is more knowledgeable as to what should be in a raincoat who can clue me in? I asked a friend and they said, "just use a garbage bag with holes poked in it." As far as I know, that's basically all a raincoat is, just in coat format. :)

eloping

a lot of peoples i know have been getting married, are engaged, or are soon to be engaged. all of them have their weddings that they have been planning out. lucky me, i dont have to plan out my wedding, or even think about planning a wedding. ever. my dearest sister has it all planned out. but here's the thing. i dont want a wedding, and especially not like my sister has planned out for me. (the other fact being that i really doubt any guy is going to propose. it just doesnt seem to happen.) she's all into big ol' fany weddings, and she know's that i'm not. my dear sister has the colours chosen, the flowers (per my request, the only thing i've had a say in) chosen, and who's going to be there, and where it's going to be. but here's another thought. i'm much to chicken to tell my parents about any guy who might actually propose. mostly, because i dont see it ever happening, and seconly, because last time (last time? only time.) i told my mom i had a boyfriend, she was highly disaproving. would she be more approving if i told her that some guy had just proposed? somehow, i really doubt it. so, i've decided that if it ever were to happen, i would have to elope. i'll just send my parents a "hey, we got eloped. sorry i didnt tell you" note, that way, everyone is informed, and i get what i want too. i dont know, maybe its a rotton way to look at it, you can decide that for yourself. but, as for me, i think that's how it will have to be done. yep. its all planned out now. i can have my wedding just the way i want it, and everyone else will just have to like it. :)

thinking

so, i was thinking about things, and then about rachel, and then about my mission, and i realized something. you know, my papers were put on hold, and then rachel left, and things started happening with them. they were no longer on hold. they went in to the stake president. at first, it struck me as odd, then i realized, you know, God makes things happen for certian reasons, so there has to be a reason behind the timing on all this. now, what that reason is, i dont know. if it was because i was supposed to be around for rachel's sake while she was here and going through it all, its a possiblity, but for some reason, i dont think so. she's been through stuff like it before, and has been just fine, with out me there. my next thought was that, i guess then, i was supposed to learn something from it. what, i dont know, and i dont know if i really want to think about that much more, 'cause the thoughts it led to were most unplesent. but, apparantly, i was supposed to be here and learn something from it, if only from the fact that i know just how much easier it would have been if i had been like, say, in idaho, or on my mission. so, i guess it was a learning experience, but i dont know what i learned. just thought i would share. :)


P.S honestly, i thinks i do too much thinking for my own good. :) just thought i would share that too. :)

final verdict

Part 1
Part 2
so, we now have a final verdict on whats going on with rachel. soooo sorry. its been on my mind, and i need to tell someone. even if no one really reads this, the possiblity is there. so, we found out, finally, that chris has, as we suspected, sided with the hawks, and has it so that rachel will be spending every_single_weekend_ with the hawks. i dont know why we cant have just one weekend a month. their reasonin in why we couldnt have her every other weeked was even weak. they said "two weeks is too long. she'll forget us inbetween that time." sorry, i dont think so. i dont even want to know what sort of lame excuse they came up with for not even one weekend a month. it was supposed to start this weekend, even though we had told them, and they had been fine with it, that she had something this weekend, an they couldnt have her. i dont think i've ever been so close to abducting a child in my life. they are being absolutely unreasonable. oh, and something we just found out. the hawks apparantly dont think we are teaching her "life skills" because over chrismas, they asked her to go pack her suitcase to come home, and all she did was just sit there. now, rachel has this personality, and other kids do too, so i dont know why they had a problem with it, that if she doesnt want to do something, she'll just sit there, and not do it. its not like we let her gt away with it, we make her do it. apparantly, though, they think we're not teaching her life skills, and not teaching her how to pack a suitcase, just because she sat there and didnt pack it over christmas. what do they think we're doing with her? absolutely nothing? my personal oppinion is that she didnt do it because she was doped up on benedryl all the week she was visiting them over christmas. but, again, my oppinion doesnt count for anything. so, she's going to go there and learn the life skills (what life skills is she going to learn? whenever she goes with them, she's on benedryl the whole time, and all they do is go shopping. what's she to learn. how to be doped up and how to shop?)that we are apparantly failing to teach her. am i being unreasonable in really not wanting her to go?

update

so here's a quick update on the rachel thingy. i know, i know, its boring to hear about it all the time, but i need to get it out for my sake.
so chris finally called back last night to supposedly tell us what kind of decision he had come to on where rachel was going to live and where she was going to spend her weekends. apparantly the hawks (stupid chuffers) are very adamant about rachel comming to see them every single weekend. i'm all for them getting her every other weekend, but apparantly they think that "every other weekend is too long in between, and she'll forget us" yeah right! she doesnt even really want to go spend time with them. she's scared of them. she is willing to get to know them, but she wants to have chris there, as a support. (she wont tell chris any of this, but she will tell me, who then has to relate it to dad, who will relate it to chris.) so, we're trying to see if we can have rachel for just ONE weekend a MONTH. i'm not at all happy about this idea, when are we supposed to do anything fun with her? i guess we're not supposed to. we've finally gotten to a point that chris will listen to us about what rachel needs/wants. so, he's still thinking about it, and supposedly he will call us back tonight to let us know what he has figured out.
here's the thing about all this that bothers me. chris is currently on marrage number three, and having just come home from iraq with PTSD, he's very likely to do whatever he can to save this newest marrage. including, apparantly, forget about the needs of his child so that he can please his wife. the fact that he'll put his marrage before his children, that should come, but just to an extent. he shouldnt be forcing rachel into something she REALLY doesnt want to do. its stupid, and will just make rachel dislike her daddy all the more, which is something that chris really wouldnt like. and another thing that we found out that bothers me is the fact that krystal says that rachel has to call her "mummy" not "mommy", but close enough. ah ha, now i see and understand. they say that they dont want krystal to take the place of jen, rachel's real mommy, but forcing her to call krystal mummy? mmmm... there's a problem there. they may say that they dont want krystal to take her place, but really, i think they want rachel to have absolutely nothing to do with us, and with jen, and with everything else to do with her real mom's family. mayhaps i'm over reacting, i dont know. i just dont like the stupid chuffers, and this isnt helping to make me like them more.

new years!

this post is going to have two purposes to it, and therefore, its going to be really long. maybe. i guess it will all depend on how chatty i deciede i want to be today. one purpose is to make some new years resolutions, and put them here so that maybe, if i've "told" them to someone else, i'll feel more obligated to actually complete them. to make those resolutions, i'm going to have to review the year, and see how it has been and what i need to change. so we'll actually complete purpopse two first, but i never said i did things in order.


so to sum up the year. if i had to do it in one word it would be...full. it was a very full year. full of lots and lots of different things. i think the easiest way to do this is to break it up into different areas in my life, and give a short summery of what has happened with it all. maybe?

first area would have to be school. school honestly didnt go so well this year. you wouldnt know it looking at the grades, but honestly, it didnt go well. i was too preoccupied with other things that came up. it came second to everything. honestly, i'm surprised that i didnt get sick at all during the school year. (knocks on wood) i guess i shouldnt complain though, because after it all, i only have to retake one class (i'll admit that i'm not happy about it, because since it for my minor, i have to have a C to pass, but those taking it for their major can get a D and still not have to retake it. hmph!)

next area i guess would have to be the mental/emotional health. things in this area got a lot better. its not completely better, and there's still a LOT that i need to fix, but it is much better than it was. i'm beginning to see some of life's challenges in a different light, thanks to the wonderful help of my councelors. i'm getting a better grip on my deperession, and learning some coping tactics for being here at home. its helped out quite a bit.

that area leads right to the spiritual area of my life. this area has changed a lot over the year. one big accomplishment was to make it through the book of mormon for the first time ever. i started out the year thinking, "oh nothing really is going to change over the year" but, wouldnt you know it, i end up the year getting ready for a mission? i think that i'm as surprised about it as anyone else. but, it will be a good change of pace for life for a bit. its something that i think has been needing to happen, to get me where i am eventually supposed to be spiritually. i'm excited for it all, and i guess we shall have to see just how it progresses.

now, that is the sum up of all the areas of my life (unless anyone else can think of anything that i might have left out? i'm open for suggestions), which takes us to my resolutions for the year.

1- for as long as i'm doing PAD, no more random food shots.
2- i'd like to make it through the book of mormon for a second time, but this time, not taking two weeks to do it. actually gettting into it and such.
3- excersise more. i need to be getting in shape if i'm really going to be doing lots and lots of walking on my mission. i was doign good at doing 1-4 hour walks. but not so much any more.
4- improve my cooking skills. this is more of a long term goal that i've had for lots of years, and it has indeed improved. but they could get better. i still cant cook worth beans
5- improve my interpersonal skills. despite what some of you may belive, i'm really a shy and quiet person, and i'm going to have to improve that. some of that will come on my mission, but i'll need to start working on it now.

there are many many others, but for now, i'll just commit to those. i dont want to overwhelm myself.

here's to everyone else having a good new year, and all that. cheers!

2- i'd like to make it through the book of mormon for the second time in my life, and this time taking it slower than two weeks, so that i can get into it.

sldkfjasdl;fjasdl;fjsad;lfj

the day started out interesting enough. it started out with going to work, and starting to work the freight. nothing new, nothing exciting. then i get a page over the intercom, before the store is even open "melinda, please come to customer service." i get there, and my manager is wearing rubber gloves, a mask, and goggles. something just had to be up. why else would she be wearing those? so i find out. apparantly Champion Breed pet food, not just the dog food, not just the cat food, but all of their pet food (dry, not wet) is somehow contaminated. we had to get rid of EVERYTHING! lots of 50 lb. bags of food and all. and yes, i even had to wear the gloves, mask, and goggles. it was the least plesent thing i could have done that day, or so i thought. i get done helping with that, and still have about half my shift left, so i go to work more freight. then i notice, "i'm not jingling like i should" i look down...my keys are gone. i look in the stock room, i look over in Pantry, where we were working the pet food. i ask C and T if they have seen any keys lying around. "no, but i'll keep my eyes out" sad thing is, this is the most important keys i had. my car, mom's car, my house, and the shed. all ones that honestly, no one wants missing. finally, i give up, and go on break, just so i can look for my keys. not what i had planned for my break. i had been planning on hopefully taking a power nap. i've been way way tired recently, so it would have been a blessing. it was not to be. i eventually go and look IN my car to see if they somehow came of my D-ring i keep cliped to me. yep, sure enough, they were sitting on the seat. so, i call mom. she hasnt left for work yet, thankfully, so she can bring me the spare, right? apparantly i shouldnt have tried. she was home, but i got a good yelling at, (over the work phone nonetheless!) and she hung up on me when she finally found them. she had claimed that she would be late for work. but here's the thing. she had told me just the night before that she could go in to work late today. lucky for me i rememberd it. i'm just glad that i didnt actually have to meet her to pick up the keys, but i am sorry for the really nice customer service lady. she had to deal with mom. poor gal. so i get home, and help rachel pack for going to stay with her daddy et al. for the next five days (we get her christmas morning, sometime after 9:00. we have no clue what we are going to do with ourselves that morning.) things seem to go smoothly, till i double check that she has everything. rachel has been...best way to describe it is PMSing, but she isnt old enough for it. i just hope that whatever it is causing it will stop soon. its getting to me, and i'm having problems keeping my temper with her. she gets upset at me, and things start to go downhill. we eat lunch, rachel not really all that happy, then we get in the car to get to trax. happily, she falls asleep on the way there and is happy when she wakes up. we get on our way, rachel absolutely loved riding trax! it was great. get to the wells fargo building to go donate blood, and find out "oh, your iron is actually okay, but you have too fast of a pulse" stupid people. thats why you do blood pressure, and not just pulse. some poeple have horrible pulse, and will never be able to, but have really really good blood pressure. i wish it was the ARC doing it. then i could have actually done something worthwile today. instead, i wasted an afternoon, and six dollars, and felt even worse about things. just alsdfjdasl;fjadslfjasd;l.

misrepresentation

i was giving a lesson on the Birth of our Savour, Jesus Christ, yesterday, and one of the things i needed for my lesson was a nativity, so the kids could put it up while learning about all the people in it. well that shouldnt be a problem, we have only about a million nativites around our house. i should be able to find one that will work well. or so i thought. one thing about all the nativites that we had in our house is that none of them have more than one shepheard to them. but, isnt it supposed to be "shepheardS abiding in the fields, watching THEIR flocks by night."? not just one shepheard, watching HIS flock? so i thought, maybe its just the nativites that we have in our house. maybe there is one in the deseret book add that has more than one. sure enough, there was, but the vast majority of the nativites have just one shepheard. something is wrong with that. why are there always three wise men, when they didnt even show up till 13 days after the birth, and only one shepheard, when there were many of them in the fields that night? the poor shepheards! they are misrepresented in the nativites! the kids are all going to think there was only one shepheard, and that the wisemen came that night! what injustice! i think i'll rebel, and support the cause of the shepheards. if'n i ever get/make a nativty of my own, i'm going to have lots of shepheards (and sheep too, i guess) and no wisemen (they dont belong in the story). even if it isnt much, the shepheards should appreciate it.

magic?

Christmas seems to have lost its magic for me. i used to always get all sorts of excited about Christmas coming, waiting to see everyones surprise and joy. feeling the love of my Father in Heaven for sending His Son for us. but this year, its not there. i like to elude myself by thinking that it mostly has to do with the fact that i work retail. but honestly, i dont think thats it. retail might have a slight bit to do with it. it makes it so much more commercialized than it normally is. it makes it so that christmas is this big thing, and that it needs to go on for months. it makes it not nearly as special. the thing that i really think is making Christmas not what it was is that i'm getting to be an adult, and with it, more responsibilitys that, sure i want them. but not here in utah. not where i am with my family. and most espcially, i dont want it to be where i am mentally. i'm not nearly the same person i was even just five and a half months ago. i've changed, and, looking back on it, mostly not for the better. i want to be able to see things the way i did then, when things didnt look so down. i dont know what changed, but it made me...different. i need it to change if i want Christmas to be what it was when i was little. something that truely was special. something magical.

seven random facts

just for fun, and because i have nothing better to do today, i'm going to be inspired by sean's blog and write seven random facts about myself. can anyone tell i'm bored?

1- i have recently inspired my sister to do her own photo a day, the day after mine stopped temporarily.

2- the only TV that i'll watch is PBS, and that only when someone else has it on. i dont usually turn to TV for entertianment. thats what nature and books are for.

3- i dont believe in using correct grammer myself, but it really irks me when people dont spell things right, and especially when books use poor grammer or wording.

4- despite being a rec. major, i'm not at all really into most rec. things. about the most that i'm really into is hiking and backpacking. (i'm hoping that taking the snow skills classes will change that a bit, along with the land skills) besides that, i'm hydrophobic.

5-i've been writing in all caps for so many years that i have a hard time forming lowercase letters.

6- i'm dyslexic, but with numbers only.

7- i highly enjoy watching really morbid movies.

we're marked

our house must be marked. all day for the last three days (since we got about 7" of snow!) we've had non-stop birds at our bird feeder. we no longer have a huge tree in our backyard, so we were kinda surprised to see just as many, if not more, birds come this year than normal. the birds must have some sort of marking device, like they do for the hobos and the underground railroad, so they know that "see that house over there? it has food. go get it all"

It should have been today

Today is offically 90 days from my birthday, meaning that my papers should have gone downtown today. thats great! except for not.

Reason one:
my bishop wants me to get a "missionary screening" from the LDS family services to make sure that my depression et al. wont get in the way of my being able to serve. the bishop says that he isnt worried about it, it is more for clarification for the missionary councel, because they might have questions. this meeting is apparantly two sessions long with a councelor. my first meeting isnt until next wednesday. since i've done this kind of thing before, i'm guessing it will take about a week before my second and hopefully final meeting with them, then they will send a letter to my bishop saying yea or nay i will be able to serve without any hinderance. as of right now, i'm really really hoping that they are a yea yea instead of a nay nay. i have guesses as to what it would do psycologically.

Reason two:
i have yet to meet with my stake president. president R is out of country a lot, so i have to wait a long time for his secritary to call me and set up a time. also, i have suspicions that my bishop has yet to give my papers to president R. reasoning? see reason one.

so, although this should have been a great day, its not. i should have had my papers in to downtown today, but they wont. Fie on Melinda being stupid!