Presidential Debate Parties

This is the first year I've actually really been interested in the Presidential debates.  I'm not going to spend this time talking about what I think about it, I'm not that passionate about it. But I had this great idea tonight while in the shower, waiting for enough people to stop watching it online so I could take my turn (without having to wait for too much buffering). Why not have Presidential Debate parties... it will help teach our future kids the importance of these things, and generally make them more fun. Have popcorn and snacks, people over (with some strict rules in place that no one may make comments about how one candidate is right/wrong, how a candidate makes a stupid remark etc.). Why doesn't this happen more often?

Floor Project

 Just starting to take the floor up

 Hurrah!  All the floor is up!

We had been using hand sanders, but were able to borrow a belt sander.  It made the work go so much quicker. 

 Halfway through sanding the floor.  Sorry downstairs neighbours for all the noise!

 Starting to stain, at last

Mostly done... we had to do it in sections so we would actually get it done. 

Finished staining!  just to let it cure and put on the clear coat

The finished product.  Yay!!

A Wife and Mother's Role

In the Family Proclamation, it talks about a mother's role.  A mother is primarily responsible for the nurture of her children.  Loosely speaking a wife and mother is primarily responsible to make sure things in the household run smoothly, and that household needs are taken care of first.  Does this mean that she cannot take care of things outside the home and spend time outside the home?  Not at all.  It just means that is her primary responsibility, and that is what she should be spending time and energy focusing on.
Recently, I've had the "opportunity" to spend quite a bit of time working (8 hours a day for about a week straight), doing lots of hard labor at this job.  It hasn't been my ideal job.  Something that hit me while I've been doing all this working is, I miss the time I could be spending at home taking care of our needs there.  I come home after work so exhausted that I have no energy to take care of our needs at home.
Today is the first day I've had in a long time that I can take care of some much needed business at home, and attending to our needs here.  And it feels amazing.  I like the feeling I have when I can take time and take care of our needs here.  To be that wife that God intends and would like me to become.  It feels good to have the energy to make a fairly nutritious dinner for us, not just throw something together because it sounds easy, or to leave it to Drew to make, because I hurt too much.
As much as I do enjoy working, and enjoy feeling like I can contribute in that way to our lives right now, I also enjoy knowing that when we have children, and I need to stay at home to take care of them, I will be able to enjoy that as well.  It is an AMAZING feeling!

When growing up watching "This old House" isn't a good thing

Somehow, we got it in our heads to take up the linoleum in our kitchen and restore what looks like beautiful hardwood floors underneath.  And all was going well, except for one thing...we're having the hardest time getting all the linoleum up.  We got most of it off, but where the epoxy or whatever it was went down to hold the linoleum down, it has been absolutely horrible.  Well, We'll just use a stripper to get it all off.  That's what they do in the home fix it shows.  It should work, right?  And it does..... almost.  We put it down, but just barely had enough, so it didn't go as far as anticipated.  We should have gotten more (this was at like 1 in the morning, so no where is open to get more).  Well... we'll make it work.  The next day, scraping it up (high on fumes from the stripper), it works great where the stripper was started.  But at the end?  Mmmm... we might get more stripper to help us out.  So where does "This old House" and other fix it up shows come in to play?  I don't think we would have actually done more than just talk about restoring the hardwood floors if we didn't both grow up watching those shows and have a good idea of what we were doing.  We probably wouldn't have even considered more than just talking about it.  Did it help us to know what we were doing?  Yes.  Did it tell us how much work would be involved?  No.  I don't think we expected it to be this much work.  They do make it look so easy on the shows.  But then, they are professionals, and have a whole team working on it... not just two people.  Would I consider doing this project again in the future?  Probably.  Despite how hard it is, the finished product should look good. however, I wouldn't do this in another apartment.  I wouldn't consider doing it until I know i'm in the place we're going to live for the next 10-15+ years.  So those who have grown up watching home fix it shows, beware the strong desires to make improvements to your house.  It probably isn't as easy as it seems.  

Too much is Too much

This semester, I'm taking a lot of classes that require a lot of reading.  I'm realizing that although I enjoy reading, and sometimes even enjoy reading my textbooks, when it's every single class that has only reading homework (okay, except for one class) it gets to be a lot.  As a kid (maybe teen/young adult is a better description), I used to spend hours at a time, reading.  Now, I find that I have other things that I would love to be doing (or that I wouldn't rather do, but that I know need to be done... like dishes)... rather than spending all my time reading.  So when is too much of something too much?  we are told to have moderation in all things.  I'm learning that that comes with learning how to balance out reading for classes too... which is definately a hard thing.  For example, just today, I spent a good 6 or 7 hours doing homework... all of it reading homework for various classes.  I almost miss the days when it was big projects and things that I could divide up and cut into small increments.  when you have whole books to read for one class and another two chapters for another, plus smaller reading assignments for another, its a lot harder to cut it up into pieces and get some variety.  maybe this week has been harder than others, but it seems like that's all i am able to do with my free time any more.  if i'm not seen or heard from for the rest of the semester, don't worry.  i'm probably just buried up to my ears in books and other reading.  i can't wait to be done with the semester to have a little variety

Coming out of the Fall Slump

Every fall, after I get home from school, I fall into a slump, where I don't do much except for go to work.  I do some stuff around the house, but I don't really get out and do much.  I read some, I watch movies (or old TV series) but... life doesn't have much from day to day. I think that since I got married, I had expected that to change.  Sad part is, it didn't.

At work recently, we did a survey about the quality of life for people in a certain area.  One of the questions was a list of reasons that people didn't live a healthy lifestyle.  One of the reasons was "lack of motivation". Out of the whole list, of maybe 10-15 reasons people didn't live a healthy lifestyle, that was one that was picked most often.  I think that most everyone picked it, actually.  Eventually, I started to ask myself some of the same questions that I was asking them, about the quality of my life.  And I came to the same conclusion.  Lack of motivation.

During the school year, I have great motivation.  I'm out doing things, walking around, exploring, exercising both body (generally speaking) and mind.  I enjoy life.

It isn't that I don't enjoy life when I'm not in school.  And this fall, especially being married, hasn't changed that much.  I enjoyed life more this Fall than I did most Falls.  but I realized I fall into the same habits, and I'm not nearly as happy as I am the rest of the year (though cold and snow and no sun doesn't help the matter).

I am so excited for it to be a new year, for the chance to go back to school once again, to get out of the house on a regular basis, and have a reason, and therefore a motivation to go.  If I don't have motivation (besides being stir-crazy) I don't.  I can't wait for it to change. Its an exciting and exhilarating feeling.

pizza bread.

I've made this before, and people have wanted the recipe for it, but i never put it up.  so here it is, finally.  first off, start with a basic bread recipe.  here's the one i use:

Amish White bread

2 cups warm water

2/3 cup white sugar

1 1/2 tablespoon dry yeast

1 1/2 teaspoon salt

1/4 cup oil

6(ish) cups flour

In a large bowl, dissolve the sugar in warm water, then add yeast.  mix salt and oil into the yeast.  mix in flour one cup at a time.  knead dough on a lightly floured surface until smooth.  place in a well oiled bowl, and turn dough until coated in a thin layer of oil.  cover with a damp cloth (i haven't ever used a damp one, and it turns out fine, my roommates all use a damp one, and it turns out fine) and allow to rise until double in size- about 1 hour.  punch down dough.  knead for a few minutes and divide in half.  shape into loaves (i roll them out flat to a rectangle, and then roll them up into a loaf, but just shaping it without rolling it should work fine too), and place into 2 well oiled 9x5 loaf pans.  allow to rise about 30 minutes, or until dough has risen 1 inch above the pan.  bake at 350 for 30 minutes.

make the dough like normal, and bring to the point where you would put it in the bread pans.  once at that point, roll out the dough into a rectangle.  the size is up to you, just remember it will later need to go on a cookie sheet for cooking.  cut slits in the sides, roughly two inches apart.  it makes it easier if the slits on each side are roughly directly across from each other.  next, fill it up.  in this case, we used pizza toppings.  i've also made just sandwich ones, and i also tried a successful apple cinnamon one.  whatever you think sounds like it would go well on this.  next, braid it. it takes some practice, so if it doesn't turn out pretty on your first try, don't be surprised.  :)  let rise for another 30-60 minutes, roughly doubled in size.  then bake according to your bread directions.  enjoy!!

fried green tomatoes

Recipie:

Cornmeal
Salt
Green tomatoes
oil, for frying

mix cornmeal and salt together.  how salty you make it is completely up to you.  i used at most (i just poured some into my hand until it looked like a good amount, and added a bit more later when it wasn't quite enough) two tablespoons to about 1/2 cup of cornmeal (again, sorry, i didn't measure.  i just guessed how much i would need for the tomatoes i was doing).  Wash the tomatoes, and pat dry.  press tomatoes into cornmeal mixture, until thoroughly coated (i should note here, the sides won't ever be coated, they seem to refuse.  this could probably be fixed by first dipping the tomato into an egg, if you like).  fry until cornmeal starts to turn brown.

all in all, its pretty simple.

the history:

On my mission, we had a less active member who never showed up to church again after being baptized.  we would sometimes go and talk to him, to see what was going on in his life, and he would always tell us "sorry sisters, I'm too busy to talk right now" and would then run inside to avoid us.  one night, we decided to stop by when he or his wife wasn't home, and weeded his garden for him, to at least help him be "less busy"  he came home while we were out there weeding, and he joined us for a bit.  his wife came home a short while later, and offered to fix us some dinner, which we accepted.  fried green tomatoes was on the menu for the night (as a side to some just as wonderful hamburgers that she made as well).  I made sure to get the recipie for the tomatoes from her, so i could make them myself one day.  the happy part to the story is that as we were eating, we were able to talk to him about things, and start to help him out again.  he never did make it to church, but he was at least a bit more friendly to us.

how did they turn out?
well, lets just say about half as many tomatoes as i cooked ended up in my stomach, and i had to stop myself from keeping on munching them (though i'll probably continue to munch them throughout the day.  I'll have to make sure to save a couple for drew :) )

Creation

President Dieter F. Uctdorf gave a talk once, in a general Relief Society broadcast about our innate desire to create.  And its true.  All people everywhere have a desire to create, something at least.  Some people desire to create food, others beautiful art, some people children (especially women), but all people have the desire to create something.  Recently, the fact that I'm in a married student ward has hit me harder.  Seeing all the ladies around in various states of pregnancy and child rearing have made me want to create a child of our own.  Knowing that it isn't possible for at least a year (possibly three), sometimes makes it harder, sometimes makes it easier to deal with that desire.  I've had to find other outlets for that desire to create something.  food has been the most prominent outlet, though unfortunately, it has been in the form of deserts and sweets.  Trying to change that to healthy delicious meals for us has been hard pressed (though it has manifested itself every once in a while).  The other fact that I am now unemployed and no longer in school, its given me insane amounts of time.  trying to create a clean home i thought would take more time than it really has (though one room will still take a good amount of time).  All I need now is a better balance between the two.  I've discovered i like to do one or the other.   But it is still a lot of fun to learn to do, and to learn to better fulfill my new role as a wife.

finding the blance

WARNING:  this is pure rambling about things, with no coherency to it.  sorry if this doesn't make any sense.
Married life is great.  Is it what I thought it would be?  honestly, I'm not sure.  I wans't sure what to expect in the fist place, so how can i know if it met those expectations.  there are great parts, there are parts that take some adjusting, but for the most part, its been good.  i enjoy it.
learning to accept that I have a husband who loves to do things, that can be hard sometimes.  finding the balance between being independant, and wanting to do everything for him, and letting him do things for me, its been the hardest thing to adjust to.  i love that he loves to cook, and wants to make dinner.  i need to learn to accept that, and not feel horrible when he does it while i don't notice, doing homework.  on the one hand, i'm glad he has the thought, and does it for me.  on the other, i almost feel like i'm neglecting my duties as a wife.  especially when he is in school, and i am to be supporting him in that endevor.  on the other hand, i've found ways to help him out also.  making sure to keep the dishes clean, and the house in somewhat orderly manner (which has been interesting, with fixing and building bikes, and other homework strewed across the living room).  learning to find a balance, and let him share in the work... its what needs to happen, and something i need to let happen.  

the realization

as the day of the wedding creeps steadily closer, I ask myself each day "am i really ready for this?  can i really be a wife and a future mother?  can i meet those needs? (along with the question what the heck am i doing?)"  as much as i know i want it, it seems like the impossible.
and then it came to me.
what i want, is to just be done with school, and have a family of my own.  the sound of children's voices, the sound of small feet running through the kitchen and living room, the hugs and kisses, the holding of small hands... its what i want.  I have a whole slew of fears that go along with it, and probably will until it comes, and even past that.  but i want to try my hand at it.
sadly, school being done is still a long ways off.  classes yet to be taken, many many internship hours yet to fill.  but as soon as possible thereafter, the idea of having children of our own, with his amazing red hair and blue eyes, will be the ultimate joy.  

the fruit craving

all month, since moving back here, i've been stuck with having only apples, and them sparingly.

the problem with being a student, is that your food budget is only so big, and fruit costs so much.  especially in the winter.  it always sticks me with a problem, every winter.  the desire for fresh raspberries and peaches, and being stuck with frozen or (in peaches at least) canned.  and although they are still good, and still meet the need i have for fruit, it just doesn't taste the same.

as i'm getting married, i think to myself, "how likely am i to acutually be able to can my own fruits?"  i know that it is something i do enjoy doing.  and i know that it is possible (given the right type of stove), and can be done in small batches.  but will i actually get around to doing it?

though, canning also requires lots of time, and a fair investment into the fruit (or vegetables) being canned (yes, even in season).  as a student, or, as two students, both are somewhat harder to come by.  though they do make for nice saturday activities.

meanwhile, i'll just sit and dream of spring, when fruit is in season, and when i can get my one thing of rasperries for the season, and enjoy it.

Engagment

Being engaged is not quite how i thought.  There is a whole lot more stress involved in planning the whole thing than i remembered from my sisters weddings, and a whole lot more to think about that i realized.  maybe its just because my sister is planning this, and has been working on planning this for the last who knows how many years.  I've also discovered that I can't think about all the plans too much, or I stress myself out more than is healthy for me.  it is really lame that there is such a distance involved too.

there are a lot of nice things about it too.  knowing that i won't ever have to say good-bye to him again is definitely a plus, and something i am looking forward to.  it also means that in the future (long in the future at this point) i know we'll be able to have a family, and i'll be able to have kids of my own.  I love Jen's kids, and they are much like my own, but having my own is something I've long looked forward to (yes, it is something i wanted, even while planning my hermiting in the woods).

it will all work out eventually.  i just have to remember to take this one day at a time, and not try and plan everything all at once.

Untitled

She could feel the stress and frustrations of the last few days building and growing with each additional failed call.    In all reality, the job wasn't hard, but it seemed impossible with each passing minute of failure, hitting hard and strong.  she worked hard not to take her knife to the favorite spot it likes to go on her forearm, instead, working on taking deep and even breaths, drinking large amounts of water.  She cringes every time the manager walks by her chair, just waiting for the time he says "You have to go, you still aren't doing well enough."  Painfully, she sits still, bursting with energy, wanting to let it all out, but not knowing how it will go.  The knife sits in her pocket, calling her, pleading to be used to let out the energy bottled up inside.  Forcefully, she tries to think of something else, anything else, hoping beyond hope that the moment will pass, pleading with God to let this moment pass.  And slowly, minute by creeping minute, it does.  Then she goes home, the frustration kept in, and no one at home any the wiser as to what has been going on inside.  No one knowing about the struggle, the personal battle.  And still, the knife waits, calling in her pocket, longing to be used.

Austrailian Mimi Dolls

I helped out at Red Butte Gardens on Saturday.

Getting there was an adventure.  First off, it was raining hard.  so it was kind of hard to see road signs as is.  Secondly, I was driving somewhere I'd never driven before, so that was interesting.  I had directions in one hand, trying to make sure that I was going the right place, and venturing to the opposite side of the valley.  Thirdly, I was driving through a part of the freeway that people who have a lot of experience driving there get lost in.  it was exciting, to say the least.

It was great fun, once I got there, and I ended up learning a lot.  I ended up visiting Australia.  We made Austrailian Mimi Dolls, based off the Aboriginal Mimi spirits.  I learned they are spirits, and some are good, and help people learn to make fire, and to hunt Kangaroos.  Some are bad, and ate people.  We just made them out of cloths pins, but in real life, they are much bigger than that.

They also had some fun instruments.  they had those cool wood frogs that sound like a real frog when you rub them.  they had a digeridoo, too, which was fun.  I tried to play it, and it sounded okay.  not like it really should. i could get it sounding kind of right, but it didn't sound at all like it should.

Overall, it was a blast.  I wish I was able to help out more of the days.  Sadly, I'm working nights, and this does, of course, take place at night.

There's nothing quite like it

The sun on my back while wearing dark clothes
hugs from that person you never see
A cat by your side when you don't feel good and all
A first kiss
The smell of fresh baked bread
The feel of warm clothes as they come out of the dryer

Any additions to the list?

what happened to unbiased?

Since elections are almost upon us, at work we've been doing almost nothing besides political surveys and polls. my favorite kind are what we call "two minute specials"  basically, are you going to vote, in this election, who are you voting for, and does this make a difference to you at all.  most of them really are unbiased, and we can't tell who is doing the survey.
one survey we are currently working on, takes place is Bexar (say it BEAR, not BEX-ar) county.  its the same basic idea.  here's a list of names, do you have a positive or negative oppnion of the person?  great, in this election, who are you voting for?  and now i'm going to read you some information about the two candidates, to see if it changes your vote.  it goes on, at that point, regardless of who you said you were going to vote for, for about 5 minutes about this one candidate.  telling all the great things he's done for the county, and that he's been there for so long, and whatnot.  well, thats great... but what about information about the other candidate?  oh yeah.  lets throw in two negative statements about her, so that no one will remember her, and won't like her.  thats a good idea, and it won't bias it at all...

right...

Life is.... life

Life since my last update hasn't been to eventful.  I finally found a job, and my dearest is still up in Idaho at school.  I'm still in Utah, at home, and feeling more and more like a hermit.
The job I found is not at all what I wanted.  I've worked for the place before, and it isn't my exact favourite job. Its working in a call center, doing telephone surveys with people.  I'm working nights and Saturdays, so I hardly ever see my family.  I see dad for maybe a couple hours in the evening (if at all that night), Dante for a couple hours in the morning, and mom for a couple hours both times.  I chat with people online, sometimes, but because i'm home during the day, and they are at class/working during the day, I hardly ever get to talk to people that way either.  The only people I ever get to talk to are at work, and people on the phone, and they generally aren't really happy to talk to me.  BUT, its a job.  It's a paycheck.  It's money in my account so I (hopefully) won't have to take out any student loans.  I shouldn't complaine, and I should be grateful.  Thats the lesson i'm learning at this time.  To be greatful for what I do have in life, and not wish for what I don't.

Having my dearest up in Idaho has been hard, to say the least.  Another good friend has recently found himself his first love, which is amazing for him.  And I really and truly am happy for him.  Its fun to hear of his new adventure into this stage of life, and remember my first ventures down the road (which seems a long time ago.  was it really only 4 years?).  at the same time, hearing about it is sometimes hard.  it makes me miss what i don't have.  I look forward to the future, and count the days till the next known time we will at least be in the same state.

The last couple weeks, Dante has been off track, and has been keeping me company.  Monday, he'll go back to school, and I realized I'll be home by myself every day.  I'll see my family less, and become even more of a hermit.  Before, when I worked where I worked, I wanted to be a hermit, and spend as much time away from my family as possible.  Now, I want to see them.  Working during the day is my preference.  I want to see my family, and spend as much time with them as possible.  What a change.

Life certianly is interesting.  It throws a lot of twists and turns at us that are unexpected.  Who ever knew this would come?  God certianly has a sense of humor.

feeling like an update

I'm not even sure what I have to update, just that I feel like I should.
warning, this is probably not very coherient.
life is the same as it has been.  looking for a job, upon more looking for a job.  I filled out an application with a temp agency a couple days ago, and asked where I had put in an application.  I couldn't even start to fill it out, because I've lost track of where I have (unless someone mentions a place, I then remember if I have or not), so I don't know how much help it will be.  I do have an interview with a different temp agency tomorrow, which is exciting.  I also have a job opportunity in Idaho for two weeks (with the guy that I like), which I'm trying to decide if I want to take or not (or, more correctly, trying to decide how to ask if it would be okay if i did it).
job hunting is no fun.

my mind has been filled recently with a lot of difficult questions, all relationship related, which no one seems to have answers to, and which i know that i can only decide for myself.  life is confusing, and full of questions.  i sometimes wish that i didn't have to grow up, that i could stay little forever, so that i don't have to deal with growing up.  growing up is hard, and makes life a lot more complicated.  it has a lot of questions that all demand answering, even if we don't want to answer.  they come back knocking again if you don't answer them when they want you to.

and thats life

Being home, again

For the first time in about two years, I'm home for more than two weeks.  Its a weird feeling.  I'm remembering why I hate coming home, what all comes with being a real person in the real world, and why I just like school better.
This last week was full of family, and events, and getting ready for them to come, and then making sure they have everything to leave again.  I lost my guaranteed part-time job (even though it wouldn't have payed like it), so now I'm totally jobless, and honestly, I'm tired of looking.  I know I need to, so I still put in a half-hearted effort, but its not what it should be.  I'm tired of looking, I'm tired of waiting for the phone to ring when I'm sure that it wont.  I think its dumb that I have to honestly answer a question saying that if I'm hired, I'll only be there for the next 0-6 months.  I'm fairly certain that the companies are discriminating against me because I won't be there that  long.
I'm tired of being the obedient and helpful daughter that I've always been.  Maybe the lack of a normal childhood is finally catching up to me, and I'm hitting my rebellious stage.  Somehow, I doubt it.  I feel the depression sneaking back into my life.  I'm skipping lunches again, and if people weren't around, I'm fairly certain I would only be eating dinner.
For the first time in my life, I have a boy in the same state as me that likes me as much as I like him.  He's only a 40 minute drive away.  Its amazing how far 40 minutes becomes when neither person has transportation, and public transportation doesn't go between the two places.  It may as well be different states.  And although I've gotten to see him a lot more this summer than I ever expected to (I honestly, didn't expect to see him until next May), it still feels like forever away.  And I'm fairly certain that this time of leaving will be a lot harder the last.
I suddenly remember how much mom and dad argue.  Its not as much as it was before I left for Tennessee, for which I am most thankful, but it is still a lot, and it reminds me how hard I have to fight myself to not argue with everyone over everything, and how much more often I do it here at home than I do other places.
I'm always more depressed at home, and I never know why.  Its been said that your subconscious remembers things, and that certain places will trigger old emotions, old thoughts, and etc.  I find this to generally be really true.  Maybe that's what has been triggering this recently.
I long for life to be back to how I remember it being.  Happy while no one else is around, excited for work, waiting for school to start again, and nothing else going on.