A house of order

I've recently started watching a little neighbour boy for about an hour and half every Thursday morning while both his parents are in class. Every time I go to their house, I'm struck by the feeling in their house. Just how easy it is to feel the spirit. And it's made me wonder why isn't it that easy at my house? What's the difference? And while I'm sure there are several things, the one thing that has recently struck me is just how orderly their house is. And how orderly their house always seems to be. J likes to sometimes stop by unannounced to play, and no matter when it is, their house is always very orderly. It's gotten me started thinking, and wondering if that is the difference between our houses.

Heavenly Father has told us that He dwells in a house of order (see Doctrine and Covenants 132:8). This tells me that If we want a place where the spirit of God can dwell, then we should probably have a house of order too. That's something that I have always struggled with. Especially now that I have a kid who likes to explore and pull everything out of drawers all the time. So, is there a way to fix this? Probably.  Do I currently know what that way is? No, I really don't.

We have been given hints about how to make our house more orderly. One talk in particular has come to mind as I've been pondering this idea of a house of order=house easy to feel spirit in.
It has several ideas of how to make the house more like a temple. One of my favorite things in this talk is taking a virtual tour of the home. It is something I need to do, and I think do frequently.

I feel like something else needs to be said on this, but I'm honestly not sure what else there is to say. So, I suppose I'll just awkwardly end this, and hope to do better, and to learn to be more organized. 

my life, now with a toddler

I know it has been WAY too long since I've updated anything about my life (what, only... 10 months?) and the last one wasn't really anything about life, it was a really cool Christmas card that I made myself using Java (I was so proud of that card!) J is no longer a little baby, Drew is in school, I've finally come to terms with my now somewhat hectic life that involves a lot of running after a very willful toddler. And as we've been struggling with J not picking up words and a general lack of communication (though J is finally better understanding and (sometimes) listening to what I say), I've been thinking a lot about this article.  I'm pretty sure that toddlers still learning words (or not learning words as it may be) is a really hard time for me.

Life right now looks a lot like this...

How the living room looks fairly frequently

 And this....

What? I wasn't doing anything, honest!

 And this...

But I wanted to eat ALL the food while you were making cookies mom!

 And this....

This was the face made while excitedly wiggling looking at pumpkins

It's a learning experience for both of us, I know. And, at times, yes. I love being able to stay home all day with my little guy, and experience the world through his eyes. Other times, I just want to run away and never have to deal with it ever again.

I'm sure this isn't a new thing. I'm sure that all parents feel this way.

But, life will go on, and I'm so thankful that someone else voiced my idea of "why am I not loving every single moment? Isn't that what's supposed to happen?"  I'm so glad I can feel....justified perhaps? in my lack of over enthusiasm. Do I still love this little guy? Yes. Do I still enjoy the overall time with him, even if the moment to moment can be a trial? Yes. And I think that's what matters most.

greeting card.

you'll have to click on the link to be able to play with it, and it looks like even to look at it. but it was somewhat fun to make. hard, especially triangles, but fun.

Greeting card 2

Made using: Khan Academy Computer Science.

Gourd eating adventure

We found these cool looking gourds on sale at the store. They were 99 cents each. 

Many of them came with Tenticles, or other ridges. Drew decided it would be fun to try and eat.  I had been going to get one, just for decoration, but Drew insisted. So today, we tried to eat it.  First, we tried to just cut it open with a regular knife.

That really didn't work, so we had to pull out the big guns. 

This seemed to actually work pretty well. we got it open, and stared to clean it out.

we put the seeds in to cook, and try them on their own, just like pumpkin seeds. they tasted vaguely like popcorn, but it wasn't my favorite.

we chopped up part of the rest of it, to try it fried.

it wasn't amazing, but it wasn't horrible either. I wouldn't suggest eating it like this again.  The other part, we shredded up to have as hash browns

They actually turned out pretty good.  I think that if someone offered me these and told me they were hash browns, I might think they were funny colored but that they tasted just like regular hash browns. 

the life of a mom of a colic-y child.

This is a post that I've been debating if I wanted to write for quite a while. It's one of those topics that people just don't seem to talk about, and honestly, I can understand why. But, I decided the other very early morning when both J and I were in tears after a long and hard day and not sleeping well, I needed to get it off my chest.

One word sums it up fairly well: Frustration.  Not all the time, but it's probably the most prevalent feeling out there. Frustration at not being able to do anything to help my son, frustration at not being able to do anything around the house because he just wants to be held, and standing, and walking the apartment hallways, frustration at his dad being able to escape to work and class, and having homework when he get's home. Frustration at his dad for sleeping through it all at night, and getting his full 7 hours of sleep, when I'm running on less than half of that.  Yes, even frustration at J for crying all the time, even though he can't help it because he has excess gas that won't go away, and his tummy hurts. 

The days like this...it makes me wonder again and again why I wanted to be a parent, and will this really ever end? I've heard it does, but really.... will it? 

While endlessly walking the halls in our apartment, or at church, I meet other people, and they "helpfully" mention, "You know there are other ways to calm your child. You should look up such and such video on YouTube to find out more" Do you really think I haven't tried it all? Do you really think I enjoy walking that much that I wouldn't try anything else? Okay, maybe sometimes I do enjoy walking, and spending time exploring and showing my son the world. But do you really think I enjoy it that much at 1am?  

And then there are the times when no matter what I do, and how much walking we do J just won't stop crying, and yes, it's getting to me because it's been _all_day_long. So I put him in the crib, walk into the bathroom, and shut the door. J is crying hysterically out there, but I need a cry too because I feel like a horrible parent and want to hurt something because I can't get my son to stop crying. I know that in the long run, it won't do him any harm, no long term damage. But I still feel horrible about needing some time to let it out with a good cry. And again, the thoughts "Will this really ever end? What if this just keeps going...forever?"

There are the good days and good times too.  The times when we are cuddling, and I'll whisper "I love you" in his ear, and he gives me a huge smile. The times when he get's so excited when I come in to pick him up from a nap or in the middle of the night. And those times make me SO happy and feel like the luckiest person alive. Do they drown out all the frustration?  No, absolutely not. I'm sure that when I look back at J's childhood, it's something I'll always remember is the frustration of these early days. And honestly, it makes me scared for the children we want to have in the future. Are they all going to be like this? But, the good times do make it that much easier to go on, and to see another day through. 

Making the Switch

going into pregnancy, I knew from the start that I wanted to breastfeed J.  I wanted that special bonding time, I wanted the food that was best for him and would provide all those essential anti-bodies and goodness that comes with breast milk, and I certainly didn't want to spend the tons of money it took to formula feed a child.  That was probably my biggest reason, not wanting to spend the money.

and for a while, breastfeeding worked (kind of).  It was hard for both J and me.  I was slow to produce milk, and because he was such a large baby to start out with, wasn't happy with the small amounts of colostrum, then in-between-milk that I made.  Combined with the fact that he had to spend his first few days in the NICU, and was formula fed there, J was always a bit frustrated at my attempts to nurse him (especially since mom is sooooo much slower to eat from than mom, and I want my food NOW!).  We kept persevering (with lots of tears, fighting to keep J awake, and frustration on all ends), and all seemed to be going great, and doing so much better....until he got all colic-y.

I knew that something had to be an underlying factor for this. There had to be a reason for the colic, it shouldn't just happen. so I started to do some research. We were recommended some infant gas drops, to see if it was just his body processing gas poorly, and it seemed to help some, but not much.  We eventually stumbled upon the idea of being sensitive to dairy, specifically the proteins in dairy.  This made so much sense to me. Even though he doesn't like to admit it, Drew has a dairy sensitivity, so why wouldn't J?  So we tried a dairy free week with me eating no major sources of dairy (milk, yogurt, ice cream, etc.) and some formula that was specifically for a dairy sensitivity.

It was amazing.  After a few days, J only cried for wanting to eat (NOW, not in 5 seconds!), wanting to be held and cuddled (I want to be held all the time!) being overly tired (there's way too much world to see, and I want to see it all now, not sleep!) and I'm fairly certain some if it was boredom too (I'm tired of looking at all the cool things in this house, and that rattle doesn't interest me. let's go on another walk, even though we went 10 minutes ago!) it was amazing.  My little boy was sometimes happy again, and didn't cry all day every day. It wasn't always a huge relief (and my main goal after every time he woke) for him to just fall back to sleep. I wanted to spend time cuddling and playing with him. I wanted to see his alert and ever curious little eyes.

I knew that I couldn't keep up with eating no dairy.  I absolutely love dairy, and it's one of my main snacks. Plus, at least half the dinners and other meals we eat have lots of dairy.  It would just be too much of a stress for me, something I certainly didn't need in my life while still adjusting to this new mom-hood thing. So we decided to try a week with me eating just one meal with dairy a day.  If I knew we were having a dairy dinner (say, mac and cheese, or lasagna) then I wouldn't have any the rest of the day, just at dinner.  If we weren't having dairy for dinner, I could have it somewhere else in the day.

After just two days, we knew it didn't work.  J was back to crying at every waking moment.  I was so disappointed. I still wanted to be able to nurse him, and still mainly not wanting to have to pay the exorbitant amounts of money to formula feed him. But I knew it was best for J.  Did I feel guilty and like a bad mom?  No. (actually, maybe a bit of guilt for not being stronger for him to give up the dairy, just for a few months while his insides adjusted) I knew it was best for both of us.  What I mainly felt (and still do) is a whole slew of disappointment and sadness.  As much of a fight and as frustrating as it was, I still loved nursing J, and knew I would miss it greatly.  Sure, I can still cuddle him, but it's different. And that's still hard. Especially times when HE goes to nurse, and I know I probably don't have anything there any more for him. It makes me wonder if he misses it too. As much as I had to fight to keep him awake which he didn't like, did he enjoy nursing too?

I know that in the long run, it won't make a difference. he'll still grow up to be healthy and happy. Formula has some great benefits that breast milk doesn't and that he'll be fine.

But man, it's hard to make that switch...

When positive peer pressure is just too much

I've learned quickly in this brief postpartum period that everyone and their dog has an opinion about breastfeeding, and just how great it is. I've also discovered that some opinions are more helpful than others. and sometimes seemingly harmless comments meant to encourage can do just the opposite.
I'll admit that I've been having problems with breastfeeding thus far.  Not having anything there the first few days, then the colostrum coming in so slowly and in such small amounts I wasn't even able to syringe any up, let alone in the amounts that baby J wanted them in.  Now on to the problem that he's such an impatient eater, he won't latch on to me for more than 3-4 sucks, and then gets frustrated there isn't anything there, and that he actually has to put in some work to get something from me. Honestly, I don't want feeding time to be any more stressful than it already is for both of us (especially that 3am feeding....) that I've come up with my own system of  pumping what I can, feeding that to him, and then supplementing with formula. I'm content to do that until my actual milk comes in (and not just the colostrum or in-between the two stuff), and  if he's still too impatient after the milk comes in, then to continue on after. But then people give seemingly harmless comments about "The best thing about actually breastfeeding is..." and it's very discouraging, and honestly, a bit overwhelming. So far, I haven't been able to produce the amounts of stuff that J wants and I think that even if I could, he wouldn't latch on long enough to be able to get at it. But is there really a problem with pumping my milk, and just giving that to him in a bottle?  Isn't that good enough, and can't I get some encouragement on just what I can and am doing for this kid? I'm making sure he isn't starving, and I'm trying to get the amazing-ness that is breast milk to him in as much quantity as I possibly can. Isn't that good enough?  Can't people see that and be encouraging about "you're doing your best, and that's what counts"?  So far, out of the multiple people I've talked to about this problem (Drew, numerous nurses at the hospital, the hospital lactation consultant, mom and mom in law, sisters...) only 3 of those many, many people, have been supportive of what we've got going and encouraging that I'm trying my best, and thank heavens for today's medical advances. So yes, it is nice that people care about what's going on, and that they want to be encouraging.  Maybe just try a different tactic, and don't keep going on and on about "well, the great thing about actually breastfeeding is...." and try something more like "It sounds like you've got some problems there, but I'm glad your doing what you can for him"

You know you've married a Gamer....

...when you're woken up in the middle of the night with your spouse using the top of your head as a mouse pad in their sleep, and making shooting noises :)

I was rather amused at this incident, and we had a good laugh over it in the morning.

Naming

Naming a kid is hard. First you have to narrow it down to some favorites, and figure out what sounds good. Then you have to figure out which one both you and your spouse like, and think will be a good fit for this kid.

Drew and I have been having a hard time coming up with a name for our kid. I have about 4 names that I personally like. The fact that we are both rather indecisive doesn't help the naming matter any. We eventually decided that kids should come pre-tagged with their name. I know that some kids toys will... "Hi, my name is..." and they tell you right there, that's their name! Super simple, no having to decide. Though, naming a kid is probably a lot harder than naming a toy. With toys, you can easily just change their name. Once a day or more if you like! Kids are quite a bit harder to change names.  It would be super easy if they could just tell you themselves.

So come on little boy, tell us your name! 

New Rules

Coming into the world of pregnancy has been a happy occasion, but man, does it come with some new strict eating rules.  I knew starting out that morning sickness would be bad.  I had a sister's experience (who I've taken after in all womanly ways) to prep me for that. But I still don't think I expected it to be this bad. Here's just a few of the new rules I've come to accept as being part of my life now.

1- You will throw up every morning, whether there is something in your stomach or not. Eating something before getting up will not help. Staying in bed for 15 minutes while waking up will not help. It's going to happen no matter what you do.

2- you must eat something ever two hours, or your stomach will start to hurt (a lot!) and you might throw up more if you don't eat.  This is just from hunger.

3- The time to go see the doctor about nausea and vomiting is before you can't keep anything down.  The time to go is before 5pm, when you can no longer keep jello down.

4-  There's some amazing(!) medication out there to help your stomach accept more food, and not get rid of everything you eat or drink. It's called Zofran.  You should take it every morning, so you can eat throughout the rest of the day, no matter how you might feel when you wake up. even if you throw up the liquid you take it with, the pill will stay down, and you'll be happier in the long run. Don't try to tough it out.

5- most of the time, you will be eating like someone who has the flu. As much as you want to eat something that is  more exciting than Bananas, Rice, Applesauce and Toast or a myriad of liquids (jello, broth, ginger ale  apple juice, Gatorade, and of course water. ), think hard before eating it. you could easily end up regretting that decision later. 

Month of thankfulness challenge

This month, I decided to participate in the Facebook November challenge of posting something I am thankful for each day.  I set myself some rules before starting too.  I couldn't use the (in my opinion) cop-out of "I'm thankful to be a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints"  I guess it isn't really a cop-out, but it felt like it, so I couldn't use it.  And I couldn't skip a day and then post two or three things the next time I posted.  I had to post something each day.  With those two self-inflicted rules, I set about the challenge.

It certainly wasn't always easy, but then, I expected that.  Sometimes I would post something sort of sarcastically, and then try and convince myself that it was true through the day.  And sometimes, it actually worked.  However, sometimes it didn't.

Overall, I'm glad I did it.  It made me really sit there and think about what I could be thankful for that day.  It made me see more about the little things in life.  Focus more on the good.  Which is what we should be doing more often, than just one month out of 12.

Presidential Debate Parties

This is the first year I've actually really been interested in the Presidential debates.  I'm not going to spend this time talking about what I think about it, I'm not that passionate about it. But I had this great idea tonight while in the shower, waiting for enough people to stop watching it online so I could take my turn (without having to wait for too much buffering). Why not have Presidential Debate parties... it will help teach our future kids the importance of these things, and generally make them more fun. Have popcorn and snacks, people over (with some strict rules in place that no one may make comments about how one candidate is right/wrong, how a candidate makes a stupid remark etc.). Why doesn't this happen more often?

Floor Project

 Just starting to take the floor up

 Hurrah!  All the floor is up!

We had been using hand sanders, but were able to borrow a belt sander.  It made the work go so much quicker. 

 Halfway through sanding the floor.  Sorry downstairs neighbours for all the noise!

 Starting to stain, at last

Mostly done... we had to do it in sections so we would actually get it done. 

Finished staining!  just to let it cure and put on the clear coat

The finished product.  Yay!!

A Wife and Mother's Role

In the Family Proclamation, it talks about a mother's role.  A mother is primarily responsible for the nurture of her children.  Loosely speaking a wife and mother is primarily responsible to make sure things in the household run smoothly, and that household needs are taken care of first.  Does this mean that she cannot take care of things outside the home and spend time outside the home?  Not at all.  It just means that is her primary responsibility, and that is what she should be spending time and energy focusing on.
Recently, I've had the "opportunity" to spend quite a bit of time working (8 hours a day for about a week straight), doing lots of hard labor at this job.  It hasn't been my ideal job.  Something that hit me while I've been doing all this working is, I miss the time I could be spending at home taking care of our needs there.  I come home after work so exhausted that I have no energy to take care of our needs at home.
Today is the first day I've had in a long time that I can take care of some much needed business at home, and attending to our needs here.  And it feels amazing.  I like the feeling I have when I can take time and take care of our needs here.  To be that wife that God intends and would like me to become.  It feels good to have the energy to make a fairly nutritious dinner for us, not just throw something together because it sounds easy, or to leave it to Drew to make, because I hurt too much.
As much as I do enjoy working, and enjoy feeling like I can contribute in that way to our lives right now, I also enjoy knowing that when we have children, and I need to stay at home to take care of them, I will be able to enjoy that as well.  It is an AMAZING feeling!

When growing up watching "This old House" isn't a good thing

Somehow, we got it in our heads to take up the linoleum in our kitchen and restore what looks like beautiful hardwood floors underneath.  And all was going well, except for one thing...we're having the hardest time getting all the linoleum up.  We got most of it off, but where the epoxy or whatever it was went down to hold the linoleum down, it has been absolutely horrible.  Well, We'll just use a stripper to get it all off.  That's what they do in the home fix it shows.  It should work, right?  And it does..... almost.  We put it down, but just barely had enough, so it didn't go as far as anticipated.  We should have gotten more (this was at like 1 in the morning, so no where is open to get more).  Well... we'll make it work.  The next day, scraping it up (high on fumes from the stripper), it works great where the stripper was started.  But at the end?  Mmmm... we might get more stripper to help us out.  So where does "This old House" and other fix it up shows come in to play?  I don't think we would have actually done more than just talk about restoring the hardwood floors if we didn't both grow up watching those shows and have a good idea of what we were doing.  We probably wouldn't have even considered more than just talking about it.  Did it help us to know what we were doing?  Yes.  Did it tell us how much work would be involved?  No.  I don't think we expected it to be this much work.  They do make it look so easy on the shows.  But then, they are professionals, and have a whole team working on it... not just two people.  Would I consider doing this project again in the future?  Probably.  Despite how hard it is, the finished product should look good. however, I wouldn't do this in another apartment.  I wouldn't consider doing it until I know i'm in the place we're going to live for the next 10-15+ years.  So those who have grown up watching home fix it shows, beware the strong desires to make improvements to your house.  It probably isn't as easy as it seems.  

Too much is Too much

This semester, I'm taking a lot of classes that require a lot of reading.  I'm realizing that although I enjoy reading, and sometimes even enjoy reading my textbooks, when it's every single class that has only reading homework (okay, except for one class) it gets to be a lot.  As a kid (maybe teen/young adult is a better description), I used to spend hours at a time, reading.  Now, I find that I have other things that I would love to be doing (or that I wouldn't rather do, but that I know need to be done... like dishes)... rather than spending all my time reading.  So when is too much of something too much?  we are told to have moderation in all things.  I'm learning that that comes with learning how to balance out reading for classes too... which is definately a hard thing.  For example, just today, I spent a good 6 or 7 hours doing homework... all of it reading homework for various classes.  I almost miss the days when it was big projects and things that I could divide up and cut into small increments.  when you have whole books to read for one class and another two chapters for another, plus smaller reading assignments for another, its a lot harder to cut it up into pieces and get some variety.  maybe this week has been harder than others, but it seems like that's all i am able to do with my free time any more.  if i'm not seen or heard from for the rest of the semester, don't worry.  i'm probably just buried up to my ears in books and other reading.  i can't wait to be done with the semester to have a little variety

Coming out of the Fall Slump

Every fall, after I get home from school, I fall into a slump, where I don't do much except for go to work.  I do some stuff around the house, but I don't really get out and do much.  I read some, I watch movies (or old TV series) but... life doesn't have much from day to day. I think that since I got married, I had expected that to change.  Sad part is, it didn't.

At work recently, we did a survey about the quality of life for people in a certain area.  One of the questions was a list of reasons that people didn't live a healthy lifestyle.  One of the reasons was "lack of motivation". Out of the whole list, of maybe 10-15 reasons people didn't live a healthy lifestyle, that was one that was picked most often.  I think that most everyone picked it, actually.  Eventually, I started to ask myself some of the same questions that I was asking them, about the quality of my life.  And I came to the same conclusion.  Lack of motivation.

During the school year, I have great motivation.  I'm out doing things, walking around, exploring, exercising both body (generally speaking) and mind.  I enjoy life.

It isn't that I don't enjoy life when I'm not in school.  And this fall, especially being married, hasn't changed that much.  I enjoyed life more this Fall than I did most Falls.  but I realized I fall into the same habits, and I'm not nearly as happy as I am the rest of the year (though cold and snow and no sun doesn't help the matter).

I am so excited for it to be a new year, for the chance to go back to school once again, to get out of the house on a regular basis, and have a reason, and therefore a motivation to go.  If I don't have motivation (besides being stir-crazy) I don't.  I can't wait for it to change. Its an exciting and exhilarating feeling.

pizza bread.

I've made this before, and people have wanted the recipe for it, but i never put it up.  so here it is, finally.  first off, start with a basic bread recipe.  here's the one i use:

Amish White bread

2 cups warm water

2/3 cup white sugar

1 1/2 tablespoon dry yeast

1 1/2 teaspoon salt

1/4 cup oil

6(ish) cups flour

In a large bowl, dissolve the sugar in warm water, then add yeast.  mix salt and oil into the yeast.  mix in flour one cup at a time.  knead dough on a lightly floured surface until smooth.  place in a well oiled bowl, and turn dough until coated in a thin layer of oil.  cover with a damp cloth (i haven't ever used a damp one, and it turns out fine, my roommates all use a damp one, and it turns out fine) and allow to rise until double in size- about 1 hour.  punch down dough.  knead for a few minutes and divide in half.  shape into loaves (i roll them out flat to a rectangle, and then roll them up into a loaf, but just shaping it without rolling it should work fine too), and place into 2 well oiled 9x5 loaf pans.  allow to rise about 30 minutes, or until dough has risen 1 inch above the pan.  bake at 350 for 30 minutes.

make the dough like normal, and bring to the point where you would put it in the bread pans.  once at that point, roll out the dough into a rectangle.  the size is up to you, just remember it will later need to go on a cookie sheet for cooking.  cut slits in the sides, roughly two inches apart.  it makes it easier if the slits on each side are roughly directly across from each other.  next, fill it up.  in this case, we used pizza toppings.  i've also made just sandwich ones, and i also tried a successful apple cinnamon one.  whatever you think sounds like it would go well on this.  next, braid it. it takes some practice, so if it doesn't turn out pretty on your first try, don't be surprised.  :)  let rise for another 30-60 minutes, roughly doubled in size.  then bake according to your bread directions.  enjoy!!

fried green tomatoes

Recipie:

Cornmeal
Salt
Green tomatoes
oil, for frying

mix cornmeal and salt together.  how salty you make it is completely up to you.  i used at most (i just poured some into my hand until it looked like a good amount, and added a bit more later when it wasn't quite enough) two tablespoons to about 1/2 cup of cornmeal (again, sorry, i didn't measure.  i just guessed how much i would need for the tomatoes i was doing).  Wash the tomatoes, and pat dry.  press tomatoes into cornmeal mixture, until thoroughly coated (i should note here, the sides won't ever be coated, they seem to refuse.  this could probably be fixed by first dipping the tomato into an egg, if you like).  fry until cornmeal starts to turn brown.

all in all, its pretty simple.

the history:

On my mission, we had a less active member who never showed up to church again after being baptized.  we would sometimes go and talk to him, to see what was going on in his life, and he would always tell us "sorry sisters, I'm too busy to talk right now" and would then run inside to avoid us.  one night, we decided to stop by when he or his wife wasn't home, and weeded his garden for him, to at least help him be "less busy"  he came home while we were out there weeding, and he joined us for a bit.  his wife came home a short while later, and offered to fix us some dinner, which we accepted.  fried green tomatoes was on the menu for the night (as a side to some just as wonderful hamburgers that she made as well).  I made sure to get the recipie for the tomatoes from her, so i could make them myself one day.  the happy part to the story is that as we were eating, we were able to talk to him about things, and start to help him out again.  he never did make it to church, but he was at least a bit more friendly to us.

how did they turn out?
well, lets just say about half as many tomatoes as i cooked ended up in my stomach, and i had to stop myself from keeping on munching them (though i'll probably continue to munch them throughout the day.  I'll have to make sure to save a couple for drew :) )

Creation

President Dieter F. Uctdorf gave a talk once, in a general Relief Society broadcast about our innate desire to create.  And its true.  All people everywhere have a desire to create, something at least.  Some people desire to create food, others beautiful art, some people children (especially women), but all people have the desire to create something.  Recently, the fact that I'm in a married student ward has hit me harder.  Seeing all the ladies around in various states of pregnancy and child rearing have made me want to create a child of our own.  Knowing that it isn't possible for at least a year (possibly three), sometimes makes it harder, sometimes makes it easier to deal with that desire.  I've had to find other outlets for that desire to create something.  food has been the most prominent outlet, though unfortunately, it has been in the form of deserts and sweets.  Trying to change that to healthy delicious meals for us has been hard pressed (though it has manifested itself every once in a while).  The other fact that I am now unemployed and no longer in school, its given me insane amounts of time.  trying to create a clean home i thought would take more time than it really has (though one room will still take a good amount of time).  All I need now is a better balance between the two.  I've discovered i like to do one or the other.   But it is still a lot of fun to learn to do, and to learn to better fulfill my new role as a wife.