being rachel's mindy-mom is something i've always loved being. sure, its had its hard times, but the good times way way out weigh the bad. also, being a better mother to rachel than mom was to us was something that i always took a great amount of joy in (possibly an unhealthy amount). but, realizations came today that mayhaps all is not as it seems. studies have shown that daughters learn their parenting skills from their moms. i always liked to think that i had learned what mom's parenting skills, what worked and what didnt, and changed it, so that i could be a possibly better parent, knowing how to disipline my kids, but not be really overbearing, like mom was/is. knowing how to have fun, but get things done too (something that mom never really did. it was always get things done, and then get this done, and then oh look, its bedtime, with little time for much fun) i realized that, in all actuality, i hadnt done as i had hoped. i have, in more ways than i care to admit, become a lot like my mom. the thing that made me realize that, was today, when me and rachel were cleaning our room, mom came in, started yelling at the both of us (rachel for not cleaning fast enough, me for not making rachel clean better, and for supposedly not cleaning well enough either), rachel started to cry because she was frusturated, she was scared of mom (who can get to be real scary when she's that upset), and didnt know what to do. after i got mom out of the room, rachel came begging for a hug. i failed to give her one, promising one "later." "later" was always moms response if we asked her to come play with us, for a hug (we never got hugs (side note, but mom never ever said that she loved us either...something that i HAVE made sure to correct for rachel)), for just about anythign, the answer was "later." i hated that answer, and swore to never use it with my kids. but more and more recently, the answer is always "later" "i'll play with you later, rach" "not now rach, i'm busy" "rachel, i'm reading, not right now" always the same answer that i always got from my mom, something i never, ever want to use. it makes me feel bad that i refused to even give rachel a hug "later" since, as we all know "later" never comes. ever. i shall just have to make up for it now, and not wait till later. just no one else make my stupid mistakes, and, if/when you have kids, dont wait till the never comming "later" to make sure that your kids know you care.(heads out on a hunt for rachel, to make sure she gets her promised hug)
